10 Cookbooks We Don’t Want To See

After reading the reviews of Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes (Fotie Photenhauer, $24.95 - yes, this is sadly real), we thew up a little bit. Then we thought, hey, I hope this doesn't become a trend. Here are a few other cookbooks that just shouldn’t be published.

 

1. Fartwater: Making Your Own Infused Beverages

Throw the hottest cocktail party in town with this beautiful, full-color volume of scratch-n-sniff recipes for delightful drinks flavored with the delicate odor of flatulence. From simple cocktails to elaborate frozen treats, this bar guide provides ideas for alcoholic and non-alcoholic libations.

 

2. Finger Food & Other Appetizers

Never serve cheese on a stick again! Your party guests will adore these clever recipes for Fingers in a Blanket and other overlooked treats from your local morgue.

 

3. The Mucus Cookbook

Celebrate your body’s pudding with 25 illustrated recipes based on mucus, saliva and other natural excretions. A perfect gift for the hiker or camper in your life!

 

4. Cooking with Kittens: Recipes Your Family Will Love

Aren’t Lolcats cute? They’re tasty, too! Learn how to braise, stew, sauté and roast tender kitten flesh for a delightful meal your whole family will love.

 

5. The Cannibalism Cookbook: The Foods of Papua New Guinea

Long overlooked as a world culinary center, Papua New Guinea is home to some of the best human meat you’ll ever eat.

 

6. The Taste of Metal: Bullets & Blades

Learn how to make appetizers, salads, side dishes, main courses and desserts punctuated with razor blades, nails, bullets and small scrap metal.

 

7. The Offal-ly Good Cookbook: Organ Meat for the Whole Family

Intestines, brains and other organ meat isn’t just a European delicacy – it’s the basis of healthy, low-fat meals your whole family will love. Sure to appeal to kids of all ages.

 

8. Slugs & Snails: Protein from the Garden

Little boys aren’t really made from slugs and snails, but their dinner can be, thanks to this lavishly illustrated cookbook. These handy recipes are perfect for working families, showing you how to prepare fast, satisfying meals straight from the garden.

 

9. Dirt Pie & Dung Cake

Whether you prefer to cook with dirt, mud or animal dung, this clever cookbook teaches you how to make cakes and pies that will be the envy of the next birthday party or church bake sale.

 

10. Fecal Fantastic! Perfect Endings to Perfect Meals

What cook’s library would be complete without a dessert cookbook? This holiday season, consider giving Fecal Fantastic! Perfect Endings to Perfect Meals to your mom or grandmother. She’ll love learning new ideas for cookies, cupcakes, candy and cake.

 

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