Smosh Funny videos, Funny Pictures, Images, Comedy Online

SMOSH PIT

10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a TSA Agent While Traveling

Posted By: Tamar on 12.20.10

You might think it would be funny to josh with the TSA saps that are paid to feel up your boobs or grope your junk, but you’d be wrong. TSA agents have an incredible amount of power. If you say any of these things, you will be arrested. Or have your butt excavated. No joke.

Then again, if you don’t have any concrete holiday plans and don’t mind having a cavity search or being fined tens of thousands of dollars, go ahead and be brilliant during your pat-down. The folks in line behind might thank you for the extra holiday jollity.

1. “Can I bring a bomb on the plane? It’s just a little one.”

If you’re making a reference to the “bomb” in your banana hammock, calling it “small” is only a joke on you.

2. “Sorry, but you need an invite to attend the party in my pants.”

The TSA agent’s feelings will be hurt because you didn’t send them an Evite, and offended TSA agents don’t use lube.

3. “Those aren’t my boobs—they’re hand grenades.”

You might be tempted to say this if you have rock-hard fake boobs, but the only people who’ll think it’s funny are the other strippers in line with you.

4. “I have a 4 oz. bottle of lube in my fanny pack. Do you mind using it?”

Savvy travelers know they can only bring a THREE-ounce bottle of lube on the airplane.

5. “I can’t go through the scanner because I’m pregnant.”

This is only funny if you’re a man.

6. “Ooh…ooh…ah...ah…ah…YES! YES! YES!”

The TSA has allegedly said that anyone having an orgasm during a pat-down would certainly be suspected of terrorism. We’re not sure how that correlates—do terrorists suffer from Persistent Sexual Arousal Disorder (a real condition we learned about on “House”)?

7. “I have a sword in my pants.”

Swords are on the prohibited list of “sharp items,” so if you’re LARPing at the airport, be sure to check your weapon.

8. “I don’t have my ID, but I do have a license to ill.”

The Beastie Boys have a license to ill. You do not.

9. “My toddler is a terrorist-in-training.”

Hiding ammo in your baby’s diaper will also get you gate-raped.

10. “I have an itch down there—do you mind scratching it?”

If the TSA agent does scratch it, be very afraid. Or tell him to scratch “deeper.”

Do you have any “fun” experiences with the TSA? Tell us about it in the comments!

Check Out The 7 Body Scans The TSA Doesn't Want You To See!

Tags: agent, air, airport, holiday, plane, say, season, security, shouldn't, travel, traveling, tsa

You Might Also Be Interested In

If Video Games Were Real 2

Katniss's Favorite Restaurants In Disctrict 12

26 Epic 'Draw Something' Pictures

How To Spot A Player

36 Comments

Post new comment

That's Not My Name

9 weeks ago

I remember the pregnant man. XD

That's Not My Name

9 weeks ago

Nice. XD

LuckyIrish

30 weeks ago

One time the security at an New Zealand airport (visiting) found a co2 tank meant for one of my airsoft guns in my bag. I told him he could keep it (fearing I would be marked as a terrorist). The funny thing is that explosive tank made it through 3 American International airports...

LuckyIrish

30 weeks ago

Ickyy

36 weeks ago

Once my mom had a suitcase of barbies for my little cuz. It took them an hour to open it because they were afraid.....

abcnonn

40 weeks ago

If only I used airplane travel more often...

lolipopop

55 weeks ago

i went on holiday and they checked my place longer than the others O.o

YummyYummyInMyTummy3

62 weeks ago

i couldnt get through because i had one of those chickens that when you squeezed they pooped. they took it away from me!

heymynameisashley

64 weeks ago

about 3 months ago traveling with my friend to London from New York to visit my parents for Christmas they pulled me aside it was a younger guy and you know he was feeling me up and stuff (awkward but

sadiebaby123

72 weeks ago

when ur my age dont tell what they do 2 you or it will haunt you forever XD i had a seizure cuz what they did i think that is what the death of my 24 yr old sister DX sniffles and crise

3ILOVEMUSIC3

73 weeks ago

. . . .

aliceinwonderland333

73 weeks ago

Glad I'm not going anywhere for the holidays

wendarno63

73 weeks ago

I have no fun experiences... :'(

idontlikeyou

73 weeks ago

i'm right now on vacation, and when i had to go trough the TSA some dudette was all over me. o.o

Mino239

73 weeks ago

Haha! I saw the picture with Sally in When Harry Met Sally...

Fonz674

73 weeks ago

To those who don't know: Licensed to ill is a song by the Beastie Boys. look em up

yamada_kei

73 weeks ago

hahaha! number 2 is the greatest!

smoshangel132811

74 weeks ago

lol they did a pat down of my little sister whos like 12 yrs old, and shes like "yes im 12 years old and i am carrying grenades" XD

kyoni411

74 weeks ago

im flying tonight...i'll definately try one of these. ooh oh oh ah ah YES YES YES!!!

daniadibah

74 weeks ago

HEY GUYS ...U WILL BE MY FOLLOWER IF U GUYS HAVE A OWN BLOGSPOT :)

http://jellybumpjelly.blogspot.com/

daniadibah

74 weeks ago

HEY GUYS ...U WILL BE MY FOLLOWER IF U GUYS HAVE A OWN BLOGSPOT :)

http://jellybumpjelly.blogspot.com/

zemi

74 weeks ago

I once had a necklace shaped like a gun.. it was tiny and obvious a little plastic toy.
mean lady yelled at me at the airport and said "ofcause i couldn't bring something like that on a plane!" and s

Merciless_Death

74 weeks ago

I'm assuming the person below me has never heard of the Beastie Boys. It's supposed to be ill.

melissa423771

74 weeks ago

I'm not sure if the editor noticed it but it says "ill" not "kill"

iLoveSmosh97

74 weeks ago

wowzas lolx :)

mbennett09

74 weeks ago

woman laughs and he says, "I'm just tryin to keep our country safe." lol

mbennett09

74 weeks ago

so others can go ahead. Then he remembers he bought a 30 pack of condoms at Walmart before this. So, he reaches in his back pocket to take them out and they all scatter all over the floor. The woman l

mbennett09

74 weeks ago

keys so he takes them out of his shirt pocket and quits searching. The woman working asks him if he used lotion or did some gardening or something beforehand. He replies no and steps out of the way so

mbennett09

74 weeks ago

Okay, so my dad is going on one of his trips to Costa Ricca and he sets the alarm off. He checks his pockets 'cause he already took his shoes and belt off, plus took his money out. Well he forgot his