15 Things NOT To Say on a First Date

You never get a second chance to make a first impression – especially on a date. Here are 15 lines we at Team Smosh have heard firsthand. Study them. Fear them. Learn from these losers’ mistakes. Each of these gems is a one-way ticket to Singlesville.

 

1. "My ex and I used to come here all of the time."

Being taken to your dates old haunts will most likely mean a short-lived relationship. Plus, it’s tragically unoriginal.

 

2. “Shouldn’t you just have a salad?”

Hold the phone, there! What you eat is up to you. This freak is judgemental and rude. Order 6 more things and refuse to pay.

 

3. "I have to be home by ten or my parents will freak."

If they can’t stand up to their parents by the time they’re 18, your date is a human doormat. Wipe your feet and move on.

 

4. "My mom and dad can’t wait to meet you."

Worse than living with parents is being too tight with them. These are not roommates – they are vultures looking for someone to take their freeloading kid off their hands. That someone could be you.

 

5. "I only split up with someone last week. Boy, is my ex crazy!"

Wow! A double win! This person’s not just raw from a breakup, there’s likely to be a psycho watching you two from somewhere right now.

 

6. "My girlfriend is gonna be so into you.”

It’s astonishing how often the little detail of already being IN a relationship fails to get mentioned until well into a first date. Unless you are into that sort of thing, we’d say a drink splashed in his face is justifiable here.

 

7. “I just got out of rehab. Again."

Oh dear. We at Smosh don’t have a problem with people who have had drug problems, but we DO have a problem with TMI! Everybody has their baggage, but don’t bust in the door and dump out your suitcases in the middle of the foyer. Pace yourself, loony!

 

8. "So you want to come back to my place for uh, ‘coffee’? (wink)"

Sex on the first date? Hellz yeah! If you don’t want a 2nd date.

 

9. "I had a great time tonight, uh… what was your name again?"

Dude. Don’t let this be you. Even if you have to check your date’s drivers license when they are in the john, do it.

 

10. "Did you see that hottie at the bar? She’s a goddess!"

Men, only you do this. If nothing else, it’s counterproductive. Checking out another girl on a date is just cock-blocking yourself.

 

11. "I thought you could pay this time. I’ll get the next one.”

Anybody who presumes they don’t have to be prepared to dutch it in this economy deserves to wind up washing dishes for their unpaid bill.

 

12. "I would move out, but my mom would be so bummed. Plus, it’s cool she does all the cooking and cleaning and stuff.”

Interested in becoming a round-the-clock personal maid, cook and therapist for free? No?! Then ditch the mamma’s boy.

 

13. "I don't have time for a job! That would seriously cut into my gaming.”

If your dream is to support a pasty-faced slacker and dine primarily on pizza forever in a cave-like apartment, by all means, proceed.

 

14. "My ex-girlfriend Kelly was amazing. You kinda remind me of her actually. Would it be cool if I just called you Kelly?"

Call the police.

 

15. “How do you feel about herpes?”

Wait – why are you still here?

What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you on a first date?

 

Check Out How Not To Act On A First Date!