7 Signs Your Teacher Might Be A Porn Star
Last week a St. Louis teacher resigned after it was revealed that she had conveniently left ‘making porno’ off of her resume. St. Louis science teacher Tera Myers did some pornos back in the 1990s under the name Rikki Andersin and somehow one of her students uncovered the mystery! It got me thinking… what if your teacher’s extracurricular activities included being an adult film star? How would you know? More importantly… what about the children? Here are some signs that your teacher may be focused on more than just the three R’s—they just might be focusing a little on the triple X’s as well.
She Throws A Lot Of Pizza Parties
It is a scientifically proven fact that porn stars can not resist pizza delivery boys, pool boys or plumbers. And yes, cool teachers do occasionally throw pizza parties to reward their classes. They do not, however, throw weekly parties, pay the delivery person in the privacy of the supply closet and say things like “I have your tip right here.” Suspicion doubles if the pizza delivery boy is actually a hot chick.
They’re Named After A Luxury Item
Chanel, Diamond, Chardonnay, Lexus, Cashmere—these names are more classless than classroom. To be fair, it is also possible that they are not porn stars, but that they are actually moonlighting as a featured dancer at the local seedy strip club, The Boobie Bungalow. Either way they need to be punished, but they’d probably be into that… Damn you, kinky fetishes!
They Have A Porn ‘Stache
Only two types of guys sport this ‘stache—hipsters and porn stars. So unless he called in sick the day the White Stripes broke up, he probably spends his free time acting badly, in the nude in an empty rented McMansion.
Their Plastic Surgery Costs More Than A Teacher Earns In A Year
With an average teacher, students do their best to avoid D’s and never want to hear their teacher call them a bad student. If the teacher is a porn star, students do their best to avoid staring at her double D’s, while fantasizing of failing just to hear her call them a bad, bad boy.
Inappropriate Wardrobe
Teachers should wear sweater sets and sensible shoes, not body stockings and leather chaps. Be on the lookout if your teacher is more S & M than H &M.
They Always Say Boom Chicka Wah Wah When A Girl Bends Over
Porn dudes are triggered by anything remotely sexual. It’s a professional hazard. But as pros they know how to turn it off as quickly as they turn it on. As soon as those words leave their mouth, they pull out their instant cold shower—a photo-shopped nude of Rosie O’Donnell. If they’re always saying “boom chicka wah wah” and love going commando in baggy sweats, they’re just your creepy gym teacher.
Charlie Sheen Picks Them Up After School
Winners do not date public service employees. Unless they are also the star of Teacher’s Pet and Hot for Teacher IV: After School Special. Then they can totally have a looksie at his antique machete.
What are some other signs your teacher might be a porn star? Let us know in the comments!
