8 Myths About Christopher Columbus

Lots of us are off school and/or work today because it's Columbus Day. There's a lot of misinformation out there about Christopher Columbus, but our research team here at Smosh has disproved these false rumors.

Do you know of any other myths about Columbus? Which myth is your favorite? Let us know in the comments!

 

Myth #1

Myth: Columbus discovered the new world

Fact: Vikings discovered the new world first, and Columbus just happened to sit next to them in class. Since he was a cheater, he ended up getting all the credit. Jerk.

 

Myth #2

Myth: Columbus proved the Earth was not flat

Fact: Many navigators and cartographers of the time knew the earth large and round. In fact, a common taunt in the cartographer community was “Yo mama is so fat, the king of Spain just paid Columbus to find his way around her...”

 

Myth #3

Myth: Columbus set sail with three ships, the Nina, The Pinta, and the Santa Maria.

Fact: There was a fourth ship in the group, but since it was named the Turd Gurgler, no one wanted to write about it.

 

Myth #4

Myth: Columbus set out for India to establish a trade route.

Fact: Columbus decided to set out for Inida because he was put on hold for tech support for so long, he decided to just go there and ask his question in person.

 

Myth #5

Myth: Christopher Columbus was Italian

Fact: If he was Italian, where’s his mustache and plumber’s hat? HUH?

 

Myth #6

Myth: Due to a sword fight injury, Columbus had a false penis made of oak.

Fact: Are you kidding? Every student of history knows that in the 1400's, the false penises were made of PINE.

 

Myth #7

Myth: We celebrate Columbus Day to commemorate the western discovery of North America.

Fact: Columbus was lazy, and would often call in with small pox on Mondays. Bankers and teachers are also lazy, so missing school on the 2nd Monday in October became a tradition.

 

Myth #8

Myth: Christopher Columbus was gay.

Fact: Not everyone in history was gay. Just Lincoln.

 

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