Elmo Kicks Some A$$ (Literally)

In Winter Park, Florida, a man was hired to dress as Elmo for a children’s event at the local Guitar Center.

What he wasn’t hired to do was defend himself in a fight. An unnamed assailant began attacking Elmo for reasons unknown. I don’t know about you, but somehow I imagine a circle of children screaming and placing bets on the fight like a night at Michael Vick’s house.

In actuality, none of the children actually witnessed the tussle, which is good because no one wants to see their dad get beat up, especially by someone like Elmo. What do you think? Is it more embarrassing to see your Pops lose in a fight with Elmo, or simply read about it in the news?

The unnamed attacker, who suffered multiple broken fingers, was detained for a mental health evaluation. Sounds like he’s crazy to me… Attacking Elmo at a children’s event is like attacking Oprah at a Mom’s event… You just don’t do it.

The question is what beef could possibly exist between this guy and Elmo? Did Elmo take his woman?

Or maybe he made inappropriate remarks about his kid?

Unfortunately, this could be one of the more embarrassing fights in the history fighting. Elmo’s so unmanly, he makes Justin Bieber look like Chuck Norris. Could there be a more uncomfortable matchup?

Yet to be fair, Elmo did win the fight. Maybe he’s not as much of a wuss as we thought. He must have been training with Big Bird in his spare time eh?

Or maybe he was sparring with The Count. Either way, he grew up hard. I mean, he’s from the streets isn’t he? Sesame Street…

In the end, Elmo won the battle and the war, and justice was served as the attacker was detained. Now the world is a safer place for people dressing up as iconic children’s characters. So rest easy Teletubbies, you’re safe for now..


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