A Guide To Burning Man

It’s time again for that yearly festival where amateurs show off their crappy artwork, people wear clothes that leave nothing to the imagination, and you hear a lot of people shouting “Flame On!”  No, it’s not Comic-Con—it’s Burning Man.


For those of you who don't know, Burning Man is this giant festival out in the middle of the desert where people build gigantic art installations, and then burn them at the end of the week. Burning Man began as bonfire ritual in the summer of 1986.


Considering this is a huge hippie gathering, there are a lot of rules and required reading.


I thought I'd give you a little guide of my own to this week-long event.


Welcome To Black Rock City

People who come to Burning Man live in a filthy community or "city" named “Black Rock City.” Next week, more than 50,000 people are expected to populate Black Rock City. That's a lot of poop if you ask me.


Speaking Of Poop

One of the few things provided for you at Burning Man are porta-poties. But there's one important rule... "If it didn't come out of your body, don't put it in the potty." The toilets get clogged with trash and all sorts of unmentionables that make them really stinky... they provide toilet paper but my advice to you is to bring your own... just incase.


Participation Is Required

Sorry, but you can’t just goto Burning Man to "check it out."  You have to contribute to Black Rock City in some way, like this guy, whose job is to show how weird and creepy people who go to Burning Man are.


You Will Stink

Through the weeklong event, everyone reeks because there are no showers. If you do somehow happen to find a way to clean off, they make you take your dirty water home and drink it.


People Are Naked

Though Burning Man claims to be a family friendly event and encourages you to bring your children... Tons of people wander around Burning Man naked.  Those naked bodies are permanently burned into eyes of the young children who attend.


Money Is Worthless

Your dollars and cents aren’t worth anything at Burning Man.  The only way to “buy” things is to trade gifts. These gifts are often crappy and worthless.


Getting Around

Cars aren’t allowed in Black Rock City, but for some reason, rides like this monstrosity are highly encouraged.


Also, bikes are very popular. People spend all year decorating their crazy bikes to ride around Burning Man.


Leave No Trace (LNT)

Burning Man attendees are encouraged to "Leave No Trace" or pick-up their own trash. After you leave the playa there should be no visible sign that you were there... no trash... which is commonly known as MOOP or (Matter Out Of Place.) In other words, "Don't be a pig, pick-up after yourself."


Just Add Fire

The biggest tradition at Burning Man is to burn lots of things, like this giant wooden man.  This is done because it’s so damn hot in the desert that lighting a fire actually cools things down.


Check Out Touchdown Jesus Burns!