Mastering the Art of the 'Guy Friend'

Every girl I know wants to have guy friends, but they all fail miserably in the process of making them. They just don't get the mentality of a guy and what it means to be friends with them.

Luckily for you ladies, I have spent my entire life studying the male psyche. I have numerous guy friends who all serve different purposes in my life. Sort of. Having a guy friend when you're a chick is the best friend you could possibly have in social situations, because they can be a great wingman (every girl looks cuter when she's on the arm of another guy), they can be an amazing bodyguard, and they can do an assortment of other things females simply suck at (raking leaves, opening pickle jars, growing beards, etc).

I've profiled a few of my guy friends so you can truly see what it takes to get a good guy friend...and keep him.

The Adventurous One

Where to find them: Parks, Beaches, the Bug Spray Aisle in Target

He's the guy who will call you randomly and say "Hey! Want to go kayaking up a river and see where we end up? Grab your bathing suit!" I love going on adventures, and I would always rather share a (possibly dangerous) rendezvous with a male who will be willing to hook my worm for fishing or make a bonfire for camping.

Warning: Although these guys are amazing to have around, they will try to get with you. Most likely by snuggling up to you in your sleeping bag or by coaxing you into skinny dipping with them. DO NOT FALL FOR THESE TRAPS, IT WILL RUIN YOUR FRIENDSHIP. 

The Tough One

Where to find them: Gyms, Rugby Matches, the Shores of New Jersey

Imagine a giant pink teddy bear you win at a fair. Okay, this guy will not only win you the bear, but he'll also threaten the carny's life for even thinking of hitting on you. They're good to bring to parties if you don't know the situation very well, because they'll always kick someone's ass if they try anything funny. These guys tend to be very possessive with their girls, especially girls they care about, so only go about befriending one if you're not planning on having a boyfriend any time soon.

Warning: 'Roids make boys testes shrink and their egos grow, so if you want to befriend one of these guys, they might expect a little more than just friendship. Be clear with them or you won't be friends. You'll be dinner. 

The Nerdy One

Where to find them: Libraries, the Table in the Corner of the Cafeteria, Magic: The Gathering Competitions

These boys are the easiest to become friends with because they tend to be lacking in the friend area. They are good for girls with low self-esteem because they will always shower you with compliments. And who doesn't like a daily ego boost? The best part about nerdy guy friends is that they're pretty harmless. Cons to a nerdy guy friend is that you have to endure their social awkwardness and constant "Battlestar Galactica" babble.

Warning: Though he won't push you to hook up with him, he will love you forever. So prepare yourself for undying, unrequited love. 

The Funny One

Where to find them: Your Mom's House

Most of the guy friends I keep around is because they make me laugh. They may be hideous freaks, but they're HILARIOUS freaks. And girls, let's face it, we just aren't funny unless we're fat, ugly, or lesbians (or some combination of the three). These guys will make you smile no matter how crappy your day was before you talked to them.

Warning: Funny guys tend to think that because you laugh at their fart jokes, that means you're interested in them. Sometimes, they'll throw out a really unfunny joke just to test you and see if you're really laughing or laughing because you think they're cute. DON'T LAUGH IF THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR THEY'LL GET THE WRONG IDEA.

The Gay One

Where to find them: Look Around

I'm not sure what the hype is about having gay best friends, but I have like seven, and they're all just like having girl friends (except they posses penises). So I guess if you want a guy friend without the hassle of worrying that they will want to hook up with you, the gay friend is the best one for you.

Warning: You won't turn him straight.
Which guy friend do you prefer?

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