Signs Chuck Norris Is Gay
Last week Chuck Norris declared that public schools were too gay. In fact it turns out he’s really not into the rights of LGBT community at all. So why is Chuck Norris being such an anti-gay bully? Maybe he’s hiding a secret. Using seemingly unaltered photographic evidence and completely un-fact-checked sources I’ve found on the web, I have uncovered some little known facts about Chuck Norris. Gay facts.
He Was Almost Outed
Before he was Snape… Alan Rickman played another possibly gay male with magical powers. Unfortunately, Chuck caught wind of this unauthorized biopic and shut down the production forever with just the power of his angry glare.
He Has Cried
There has only been one thing Chuck loved more than America. A Walker:Texas Ranger extra named Jorge. Unfortunately Jorge left the show when he was cast as Angel in the national touring company of Rent. Chuck’s tears may cure cancer but they could not cure his broken heart.
He Joined A Weird Leather Enthusiast Club
Well I guess this isn’t 100% definite proof that Chuck is gay. Maybe he’s just really into leather fashion. I mean not only does he make his own leather, he has even hand-crafted ball gags out of… well let’s just say those bulls are singing soprano now. Okay… maybe it’s 99 % gay.
Really Into Aerobics
Chuck once had a dream to partner with Richard Simmons to open a nationwide chain of aerobics studios. Need I mention the spandex one-sie?
Not Interested In This Beautiful Woman
What is Chuck staring at so longingly, that he is ignoring a hottie whispering sweet nothings in his ear? It’s Adam Lambert, of course! If Adam ever said “What do you want from me?” to Chuck, Chuck would reply “All I’m asking for is one dinner… we can see where it goes from there. No pressure.”
Walker: Texas Ranger Was One Of The Original Village People
Chuck was beyond hurt when the other members replaced his Texas Ranger character with the cowboy. But he will always be grateful that they turned him on to the YMCA, because Chuck loves to have fun and hang out with all the boys.
Made Out With Mr.T
This was supposed to be an awesome series of a**-kicking photos showing two powerhouses in action. Well some action definitely went down! No one was more surprised than Mr. T, when, during the photo-session, Chuck laid down his fists of fury and laid a Freedom kiss on him (Chuck hates the French). Legend has it that Vin Diesel looked on in envy.
So it’s okay if you’re gay, Chuck. We’ll still love you even if you don’t seem to love others. And now I will prepare to get a roundhouse kick to the face.
But before you do… I just wanna say those skin-tight jeans make your butt look good, girl!
So what do you think… could Chuck Norris be gay? Let us know in the comments!