Very Best Of FMyLife: Vol 12

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Sometimes, life sucks so hard, there's only one thing to say... F My Life! That's where FMyLife comes in, collecting worst moments of our existence in one place. Here are some of the best FML moments this week!


Mmm... toast

Cat toaster



Today, my cat took a sh*t in my toaster. FML






Happy 420!



Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML









Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML





Who doesn't like giggling




Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML






They grow up so fast...




Today, my 6 year old daughter asked if we could go to the doctor and get her on "the pill." FML






Smack dat ass



Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML






OnStar... HELP!

dog collar


Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML





So, not Donald Trump then?




Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML






Admit it. That is what you were doing.

breakup sub


Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML









Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML





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