Why People In The Future Will Think We Are A-Holes
In the past you could fill a time capsule with all of the things you were most proud of and skip all the embarrassing crap. Now we have the internet...and there is no revising history on the internet. The people of the future are gonna find out about our obsessions with Jersey Shore, Charlie Sheen and every single Disney Channel star. Is it too late to make Stephen Hawking a trending topic? Here are 10 things popular today that will make the people of the future say “Wow…what a bunch of a-holes!”
30 years from now, you just know hipsters will be wearing it ironically at retro d-bag themed parties. In fact the only good thing I can say about Ed Hardy is that it helps girls avoid guys who might slip them a roofie.
Child Beauty Pageants
I think I speak for everyone when I say that we know it’s very, very wrong to take little girls named Haleigh and Kalee and send them to a conference room in a Ramada Inn wearing nothing but a sequined bikini, so they can shimmy and blow inappropriate kisses to a table of judges. That being said, I would cry harder than a little girl with spray tan in her eyes if I could never watch a show about it again.
Kim Kardashian, Recording Artist
Kind of makes me miss the days when she was famous for nothing.
Heart Attack Food
I agree, some of the things we eat today can be pretty grim. Is it really necessary to layer three pies inside a cake? I think not! Does corn dog casserole sound like a healthy meal? Nope! Do I think deep fried bacon is extreme? Um…kind of? Crap, now I just wanna throw on my pajama jeans and eat a pulled pork sandwich on a jelly donut bun.
Plastic Surgery Addiction
Trying to achieve perfection doesn’t make us look like a-holes. So many getting it so wrong does.
I actually hope that in the future, people will be around to shake their heads at her baffling popularity! No Sarah Palin presidency, no beginning of end times, no destruction of all that is human. Whew! In your face Mayan calendar!
Anything Airing On TLC
Because apparently respectable people watch PBS and 60 Minutes, not shows about people who eat toilet paper and couch cushions. Whatever, people of the future!
Inventions For Lazy People
Previous generations created America and invented the atomic bomb. We will be remembered for inventing the motorized ice cream cone, the cloth mealtime protector (aka adult bib) and the Lazy Forever—a blanket you live in. Catheter and colostomy bag sold separately.
Enjoying manufactured crap from at China at dirt cheap prices has consequences. Luckily we’ll be long gone before those consequences come home to roost! Now who looks like an a-hole, people of the future? Nevermind…it’s still us.
According to TMZ, Ke$ha has teamed with Lifestyles to put out a line of condoms with her face on the wrapper. Because when you think safe sex, you think of…no…wait, what? Well, I guess you do think of Ke$ha when you think of something used and lying in a gutter.
What are some other things we like that’ll make future generations say WTF? Let us know in the comments!