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10 Best Ways to Annoy Tourists

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What do fall and summer have in common? Lots of tourists. (I lied about the fall part.) Anyway, if they piss you off as much as they piss me off, then there’s likely to be a lot of piss going around. Here’s the best way to bother them.


1. Photobomb them


You know what goes great with sunsets? Photobombing. It bothers tourists to no end when they look back at their photos and find some guy’s O-face behind their family portrait.


2. Tell them that a celebrity just walked past


“Hey! Is that Angelina Jolie?” (Tourists are always looking for Angelina Jolie.) “Aw, she just got into that car that you can’t see anymore…” (Side note: They’ll still tell their friends they saw Angelina Jolie.)


3. Give them directions to the airport


They’ll often ask you for local landmarks, and giving them bad directions is truly fun for the whole family. And nothing tells a tourist “You ain’t welcome in these here parts” like bad directions to the airport.


4. Recommend McDonald’s


Tourists are always looking for “local gems” and crap like that. Send ‘em to Mickey D’s.


5. Take pictures of them


Take out your phone camera and get obnoxiously close to them, then snap away and say, "These are gonna look great on Facebook!"


6. Talk to them using stereotypes


Ask them where they’re from. Alaska? Do you know who Paul Revere is? (Ehhem, Sarah Palin.) China? Are your favorite candies Mao or Laters? Canada? Eh?


7. Test their knowledge of the area


“Do you know why that street is called Olympic Blvd? Huh? Do you even know who the first mayor of LA was? Huh?” Me neither! There’s no better way to make tourists feel uncomfortable than making them feel like tourists.


8. Tell them their tour guide is lying


Go on one of those tour buses and tell the people sitting next to you that the guide is telling all lies. “This is definitely not the oldest tree in California!” “Angelina Jolie doesn’t live here! She lives in New York!”


9. Sell them rain ponchos


OK, it won’t annoy them, but you’ll make money. Tourists will buy rain ponchos no matter what the conditions of the weather, just like Gaga will always buy meat ponchos, no matter how hungry she is.


10. Repeatedly ask them if they like Smosh


“You don’t read Smosh? What’s wrong with you? Watch these videos on my iPhone! Isn’t it funny? Huh? Hmm?”

How do you bother tourists in your hometown?

Tell us in the comments below!

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