10 Best Winter Olympic Wipeouts

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Every four years the Winter Olympics come to our living rooms, and we get to pretend for a couple weeks that we really care about double luge and team speedskating. (Go Apolo, go?)

While we may look like we actually are paying attention to what’s happening, 99.9% of us are tuned in for one thing: THE WIPEOUTS.

In honor of the Vancouver Winter Olympic Games starting this Friday, we thought we’d give you our picks for the best crashes in Winter Olympics history, along with our analysis of each fail.

The Dead Pumpkin

Dutchman speedskater Erben Wennemars perfected this move at the Torino Games. The Pumpkin first saw usage in the 1950’s but received a resurgence after the French reintroduced the epic fail “the Frozen Grapefruit.”

The Stinky Drill

Swiss freestyle skier Evelyne Leu dazzled the world by introducing the world to the Stinky Drill, in which she attempted to drill her way into the secret underground lair of the Mormons during the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics.

She failed.

The Bode Miller Body Shot

This crash in Nagano wasn’t so bad except hotshot party boy American skier Bode Miller was probably still totally wasted when he went down the course.

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

The Leg Blender

We’re not sure who this was, but this execution of the infamous Leg Blender hadn’t been seen in 24 years. Guaranteed compound fracture or your money back!

The Gay Zebra

German Felix Neureuther totally ate snow but — HOLY CRAP LOOK AT HIS SEXING PANTS!!

The Slut(skaya)

Her name is Slutskaya. No comment.

The Sonic and Mario Winter Olympics

This isn’t a wipeout but this game sucked.

The Spinal Tap

Ski jumping is the craziest thing ever, and this Finnish guy Matti Hautamaeki totally realigned his spine when he #$*&@# up in the 2006 Winter Olympics.

The “What the Hell Am I Doing Here?”

The men’s speedskating team, led by Apolo Ohno, seems really confused here.

We would be confused too if we were laying on a slab of ice wearing spandex and yellow hats touching other dudes in spandex and weird yellow hats.

The Supreminator

We’re not sure if this comes from the Olympics, but it’s pretty much The Best Ski Crash Ever Captured In a Photo.

So we’re letting it in.

The Wienerschnitzel

This crash by Austrian Hermann Maier from the 1998 Winter Olympics at Nagano is considered by many to be the craziest crash in Olympic downhill history.

So crazy that we thought we’d show you the clip:

But don’t worry, he was soon out of the hospital, eating veal cutlets and drinking beer — he even went on to win a couple of those gold medal things within a few days.

Guten Tag, Herr Maier!