10 Fictional Characters That Just Might Be Secret A-Holes
If there's one thing I know, it's to always be suspicious of super cheerful, helpful or nice people. They are often times trying to over-compensate for some toxic rage they hold deep inside. Trust me, I learned this the hard way, when I got b*tch-slapped by a skank in a Barney costume. Sure the assault was shocking, but the fact that it came from a beloved purple dinosaur made it hurt all that much more. I know it wasn't technically Barney, and I did deserve it for making that dig about the costume making her a** look fat, but it got me thinking–what other fictional characters just might be secret a-holes? Here are my top contenders!
Sure he's a peach now, but just you wait! My prediction? An act of workplace violence will trigger his downfall. After years of being belittled by Mr. Krabs, Spongebob beats his face in with a frying pan until it resembles a krabby patty. After the trauma of seeing what he's done, he gets drunk and decides to finally make a move on Sandy Cheeks, only to find her in a compromising position with Squidward's um, 'tentacles.' Spongebob Drunkpants is MEAN. Who lives rockbottom under the sea?
Eh-oh! You just know the Teletubbies are hard-core ravers now! And they're not nearly as cute since they lost all their adorable chub and became Kandi Kid a-holes. Trust me, there is no bigger a-hole around than an adult who dances to techno all night while sucking on a pacifier. I have a feeling that tubby custard is spiked.
I don't wanna believe this is true, but how can you deny the above animated evidence?? I choose you, d!ck move!
This Care Bear
You just know this dude will bogart all your candy and then call you an a-hole when you accuse him of doing so. When he reprimands you by saying 'Sharing is caring, bro!' try not to whip his a**. You'll just look like a jerk for beating up anything associated with rainbows… well, except for Double Rainbow guy. I'm pretty sure that people would be into that guy getting a double-fisted takedown.
Yes, he is a pretty jolly guy. Just don't set him off by accidentally calling him Jigglypuff. Or you can consider yourself inhaled.
Kermit The Frog
If you were in a relationship with a self-centered narcissist, you would be a ticking time bomb, too! I'm not saying he'd do anything to intentionally hurt anyone, but that doesn't mean he doesn't spend his free time fantasizing about choking Fozzie the Bear with his neck tie and planning ways to make bacon out of Miss Piggy. Mmmmm, now I want a BLT. Hurry up a-hole Kermie!
I mean, anyone who lands Harry Potter has to be a cool chick. But why do I get the feeling that she'd take a bitch out if she thought they even looked Harry's way? Oh yeah, it's the red hair. Gingers may not have souls but they've got mad tempers! I mean, if I'm basing my opinion purely on stereotypes, which I am. You better watch yourself HO Chang!
Okay this picture is friggin' freaking me out! Do NOT piss off Elmo! Do not unleash the monster! Grover knows what I'm talking about!
Hey it's always a great moment when the charming little orphan takes down the mean girl. But Lilo will take it too far and start fist-fighting her way through the pain. And girl got lots of pain! Then she'll end up on a show that will indicate once and for all that she is one of the biggest a-holes in the world: Sixteen and Pregnant. More like Bitch and Stich.
No cat will accept being forced to be adorable forever! Hello Kitty is just biding her time. And when she finally explodes, she's gonna make Godzilla look like a pussy cat!
What fictional character have you always suspected may be an a-hole? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!