Funny Articles

Top 10 Imaginary Travel Destinations

By  | 

It’s way too expensive to travel anywhere these days. So why not go somewhere you can’t actually visit and save a few bucks instead? Just skip Orbitz and book a flight of your own to these destinations…


1. Gotham City

Form of Government: One easily cowed by lunatics dressed as clowns, S&M cats or flightless waterfowl.

Main Export: The curious notion that everybody doesn’t just move after the 15th time someone poisons the water or air supply.

Things to See: A super villain asylum with a high rate of successful escapes; Chicago if it were in the sub-basement of Hell; even Build-A-Bear stores being run by masked gangs.


2. Diagon Alley

Form of Government: Wicca capitalism.

Main Export: Bat spleens, nose-biting teacups, acid pops and any number of items whose very name should deter purchase.

Things to See: Unsavory characters in every shadow: Death Eaters at every corner; footprints from invisibly-cloaked students at every plot point.


3. Middle Earth

Form of Government: Monarchy/Orc-mandate.

Main Export: Inspiration for 70’s album covers; inspiration for games involving dice, graph paper and countless Friday nights spent in imaginary pubs; inspiration for idea that Orlando Bloom could actually carry a film.

Things to See: Giant fiery, lidless, evil eye in sky; armed, marauding Uruk-hai on the ground; some reasonably priced outdoor cafes.


4. Whoville

Form of Government: Democratically forgiving

Main Export: Inexplicable, indefinable holiday toys clearly designed under the influence of alcohol or mental illness; a hairy green hero for everyone who hates Christmas or homes with viable security systems.

Things to See: Citizens eating; citizens singing; citizens being easily duped.


5. Ice Planet Hoth

Form of Government: Besieged.

Main Export: All its people, escaping a subzero death trap.

Things to See: Tremendous, impractical four-legged tanks; abominable snowman; bipedal camel being sliced stem to stern for warmth/shelter; a brother and sister almost accidentally doing it.


6. Springfield

Form of Government: Exceedingly fickle mob rule/City devoid of any state alliance.

Main Export: Anything with enough surface area to place a character’s likeness on it; countless quotes applicable for almost any situation; the template for Seth MacFarlane’s career.

Things to See: The first eight seasons (after which the quality of your vacation may fluctuate); personal histories constantly being rewritten thanks to characters never aging but time continuously moving forward; not a single McDonalds.


7. Sesame Street

Form of Government: Human-monster alliance.

Main Export: Core educational skills; social responsibility; a high-pitched, laughing furry red creature who may one day rule us all.

Things to See: Countless celebrities fascinated by the alphabet; a Brooklyn that has magically escaped gentrification in large part due to felt; more children left unattended by parents than a “Peanuts” strip.


8. Land of Oz

Form of Government: Unelected carny.

Main Export: Abject terror in anyone under the age of five.

Things to See: A kingdom that hands over complete power to the first person to arrive via helium; people wishing to get home the moment they arrive; a cardiovascular system devoid of a heart; little people who diminish any chance of political legitimacy by joining lollipops guilds.


9. Sunnydale, California

Form of Government: Satanic mayor.

Main Export: Untold forces of evil thanks to a portal between earth and Hell that allows demons to feed upon mankind and may very well end civilization; assorted handicrafts.

Things to See: One high school, one main street, 163 cemeteries with waiting lists; vampires, werewolves and a little sister you didn’t know you had until season five; everybody suddenly breaking into song.


10. Installation 04 (Alpha Halo)

Form of Government: Millions of people repeatedly questioning each other’s manhood on Xbox Live.

Main Export: Enviable franchise and one of the few bragging rights Microsoft has left against Apple.

Things to See: Daylight after playing for 15 hours straight.

So where would you like to go that doesn’t involve packing, planning or even getting out of bed?

Check Out The Most Epic Vacation Ever!