10 New Career Suggestions For Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen's current melt-down has now become legendary. Not since Mel Gibson's word-vomit breakdown have I seen a celebrity do such a thorough job of killing his career.
Now that Charlie has pretty much ruined any chance of making more movies or TV shows, I think he should explore a few new career options. He can use the skills he's learned in his movies and TV shows to excel at any of these exciting careers.
1. Trash Collector
In Men at Work, Charlie learned all about collecting trash and taking it to the dump. It's a gross, dirty job, but it pays well, but after spending all his money on drugs, hookers and his legal defense, Charlie will really need the cash.
2. Day Trader
Wall Street taught Charlie all about trading stocks, so he could do really well as a day trader. Since he'd work from home, he could sit around in his jammies all day and get drunk and high.
3. Hit Man
Charlie's role in "Platoon" taught him all about crawling through the jungle and shooting his enemies. But the US isn't involved in any jungle wars right now, so he'd have to work in the private sector, taking out evil people for pay. First target? Ryan Seacrest.
4. Pitcher for a Sh*tty Baseball Team
In Major League, Charlie played a wild-card pitcher with a heart of gold. He was so talented on the mound that he could certainly find a job in the real Major League. But since he's gone insane, the only team that would hire him is the Philadelphia Phillies, possibly the worst baseball team in League history.
5. Stand-Up Comedian
Charlie was so funny in Hot Shots! 1 & 2, not to mention in every interview he gives, that I just know he'd make a hilarious stand-up comedian. He could reenact scenes from the two Hot Shots! movies and lift material from his recent meltdown. "I have magic in my fingers".
6. Mayor of El Paso, Texas
After Michael Fox left Spin City, Charlie stepped in to take over Michael's role in the show, the Deputy-Mayor of New York City, so he knows a lot about being mayor. Charlie isn't smart enough to be the mayor of NYC, though – and I don't think they'd elect him anyway – so he'd have to settle for a really sucky city, like El Paso.
7. Voice-Over Artist For Direct-To-Video Barbie Movies
Although All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 was one of the worst animated movie ever made, Charlie learned a lot about matching up his mouth with what animated characters were saying. I don't think the prestigious directors of All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 would hire him again, but I bet the people who make the Barbie movies would. They probably have a hard time finding people desperate enough to be in them.
8. Nigerian Prince
Although he had a really small part in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Charlie shone in his role as the teenage delinquent who hit on Jennifer Grey in the police station. Since Charlie is now an old man, he could no longer dress like a teenager, so he'd have to graduate to larger crimes, like stealing money from stupid people on the internet.
9. Meter Maid
Charlie Sheen is use to dealing with law enforcement so that makes him perfect for jobs like meter maid or possibly a crossing guard.
10. Professional Douchebag
Two and a Half Men showed the world how talented Charlie is at playing a total douchebag. I know he'd be great at this job in real life because he's already on his way to becoming a professional douchebag. When he graduates from douchebag school, he can hang out with fellow douchebags Tom Cruise and Justin Bieber. Go Charlie!
What kind of job do you think Charlie would be good at? Tell me in the comments!