10 Thanksgiving Guests We’re Least Thankful To See
As traditional as turkey and pumpkin pie, Thanksgiving just wouldn’t be the same without them. But it sure would be nice to try.
1. The Debbie Downer
Fall out boy likes to constantly remind everyone that the story of Thanksgiving is utter bull crap. The massacre of the natives, smallpox-laced blankets, we get it! Now shut up and clean the pumpkin pie out of your lip piercing.
2. The Couple on the Verge of Divorce
They’re waiting to file for divorce until January because they didn’t want to ruin the holidays. Never has “Please pass the stuffing” been said with such rage. Don’t wanna ruin the holidays? Too late.
3. The Annoying Old Relative
When he isn’t complaining about the food, he’s entertaining everyone with his 84th ‘pull my finger’ joke. You know the tryptophan has kicked in when his leafblower-like snore resonates throughout the house. Hard to believe that someone this aggravating survived a Soviet Gulag.
4. The Person Who Insists On Feeding The Dog
No matter how many times you ask, this person insists on giving human food to the dog. “It’s Thanksgiving!” they say, as if the dog has any concept of the holiday. And when the animal lover is long gone, the rest of us have to deal with a smell that can only be described as green eggs and ham, the mother of all dog farts. Thanks!
5. The Teen Who Doesn’t Want to be There
Last year she was obsessed with Hannah Montana. This year she’s trying to out-slut Miley Cyrus. She rolls her eyes when you sit her at the table with all the babies, but the truth is she’ll need the practice because in a year she’ll be starring on 16 and Pregnant.
6. The Guy Obsessed With Carving the Turkey
Dude! What’s your deal? You act like carving the turkey is the equivalent of Michelangelo carving the statue of David. This know-it-all is the same person who will annoy you all summer long as overlord of the BBQ grill.
7. The New Girlfriend
It’s not that you’re opposed to getting to know Uncle Steve’s new piece, it’s just that it’s hard to hear her over Aunt Lori’s sobs.
8. The Drunk Guy
It doesn’t matter how many elderly relatives or children are around… this guy is gonna get his party on. Lowlights include commenting on the weight of those going for thirds and high-fiving teenaged girls regarding their development.
9. The Vegetarian
They will tell you they don’t miss the turkey. They will try to make you taste it. Politely say no then laugh inside as they pour turkey giblet gravy all over their Tofurkey in a desperate attempt to make it edible.
10. The Person With Nowhere Else To Go
You know it’s wrong to be suspicious about someone so nice, and so positive, and so grateful to be there… but you are. There’s just something very untrustworthy about an adult man with a Beiber haircut. Hide your kids. Hide your wife.
Who are you least thankful to see on Thanksgiving?