10 Things I Learned From 90’s Movies
So I found an old copy Can’t Hardly Wait yesterday and I may or may not have watched it twice already. The thing that made 90's movies so great was that the 90s were so great. People were happy, time were good, and the only thing Amurrcans worried about was saving record stores and getting the girl. Movies at this time taught many valuable lessons. So here are 10 best things that I learned from 90's movies.
10. You Can Beat High School
High school is a lot like Las Vegas; it’s isolated, uncomfortable, and what happens there stays there. Until you come back. See, in the 90s we didn’t have facebook so there were these things called “high school reunions” in which people would return as adults every ten years and brag about how great their lives were since high school. However, it turns out nobody’s life is all that great, especially the people who made high school miserable. It’s good closure to see the prom king get fat and the geek drive a Lexus.
9. Contacts Make you Pretty
“Man, that girl in gym class is so hot now! She let her hair down and took off her glasses! Let’s all go ask her out, gang! Come on!” While it seems these days everyone wants glasses (you’re welcome), in the 90s they were a scarlet letter of nerd that seemed to make guys reject the girls wearing them. And simply switching to contacts could thrust a girl into the highest echelons of popularity.
8. People Like to Talk to Ghosts
Whether it be The Sixth Sense or simply Ghost, sad adults in the 90s seemed to have the most amazing super power. And they completely let it go to waste. Forget about the murder victim, go find the ghost of Jim Morrison or James Dean and throw a raging ghost party! Plus if the cops show up you don’t have to worry about hiding everyone in a closet.
7. The 70s were Awesome
Movies in the 90s made me feel like I missed out on the 70s. That was the time to grow up. Kids partied harder, dressed cooler, and drove really cool cars. Then I grew up and realized most of the “cool” people from the 70's are so far gone they still think it’s the 70's while they bum for change outside of 7-11s. But never the less, the 70s were bada$$.
6. The Jaded Can Learn to be Happy
The bitter, sardonic, high school friend will inevitably fall in love. Anti-social behavior and literary pretension can only get you so far. And at the end of the day, even these kids will get their make out on.
5. Our Own Creations Will Destroy Us
The end of the world is inevitable so we might as well go out battling dinosaurs. Sure we as people shouldn’t play god and monsters will take over and the machines can plug into our brains and create a fantasy world where Keanu Reeves is a successful actor; but really isn’t that the better option? World that lives for another few million years Vs. world where velociraptors are real? I’ll take the RAPTure any day.
4. Disney + Computers = Win
Remember when Disney used to hand draw their cartoons? Dorks. Computers are where it’s at. The animation got so intriguing that I found myself bonding with plastic toys… 3 times!
3. Rich People Hate Being Rich
Kevin Spacey hated it so much he killed himself. Rose left her family on a sinking ship to find a dude drew her naked once. Oh, also, SPOILER ALERT. Sorry, forgot to put that there… The point is, money isn’t everything. Also, the brief case contains his soul.
2. Shakespeare Gets You Chicks
Man, did girls love Shakespeare in the 90's. DiCaprio is the reason we still have AP English in schools, true story. Even when it was cleverly disguised by Julia Stiles, Shakespeare continued to entertain us. And teach valuable lessons like; don’t piss off your girlfriend’s brother, cross dressing is cool Gwyneth Paltrow, and the girl from Alex Mac got really cute.
1. It’s Good to be the Nerd
Whether you play the accordion or sing in a wedding band, it’s cool to be nerdy. With the growth of the internet and science, our world was starting to appreciate it’s true heroes. The guys who now get the glory are the ones who earn it. Welcome to a meritocratic Amurrca you guys. Big win for space camp grads and Kilngon speakers today you guys. Congrats.
What other lessons have we all learned from 90's movies?