10 Things To Pack For The Apocalypse
As the movies have taught us, as soon as the public gets word that the world is ending, people are going to loot grocery stores for supplies. Be proactive and stock up on a few necessities that will get you through the first few weeks after the collapse of civilization.
Although you’ll definitely to stockpile basic post-Armageddon supplies, the smart survivalist will pre-pack a go bag with handy tools for hoofing it through blasted terrains and taking out marauding zombies. In addition to food, water and toilet paper, stuff your rucksack with these essentials.
Cash isn’t going to be much use after the World Bank is raided by zombies. Since much of the population will be dead, there will be piles of now-useless paper money. You’re going to need something of REAL value if you want to buy for coffee, clean water, or non-mutant hookers. You might be able to trade gold bricks or gemstones, but the real currency is going to be booze, cigarettes & batteries!
2. Zombie Killing Tools
Most experts agree that the biggest post-apocalyptic danger will be zombies. As there is some speculation on what kind of zombies will try to kill you, an all-purpose weapon should do the trick for most types of the undead. Chainsaws and crossbows, while effective, will take up too much room in your go bag, so opt for something smaller, and yet still effective, such as an assault rifle. Don’t forget the extra ammo!
In addition to antibiotics, antidepressants and Bactine… psychotropics will not only serve as currency should a nuclear winter destroys all the arable land, but also make long nights in the bomb shelter more interesting.
It would really suck if you survived earthquakes, floods and planet-wide zombie attacks only to contract herpes. Plus, if the holocaust results from nuclear or biological warfare, unexpected pregnancies will likely result mutant babies. Until you’re ready to repopulate the world, use the glove of love.
5. Boy Scout Handbook
Long-recognized as the most prepared group in America, The Boy Scouts of America have authored a handy guide for wilderness survival. Investing in their handbook is a smart idea, especially if you need to build a fire, create a make-shift tent, tie a knot or qualify for a Basketry Merit Badge.
6. Duct Tape
This is a no-brainer. As MacGyver has demonstrated repeatedly, you simply won’t survive without a roll of duct-tape. Some of its many uses include attaching splints to broken limbs, patching your canoe or travel boots, and silencing any companions who have gone insane and simply won’t stop howling. Plus, you can also use it to immobilize any enemies who wish to steal your go bag.
After the holocaust, sunglasses can help you avoid going blind from heightened UV rays and the white light of nuclear bombs post-apocalyptic pranksters might detonate. You’ll also look cool.
8. Sharpie Pen
In addition to the obvious – making signs that will lead other survivors to the Free Zone — you can use them to keep track of the number of mutants you kill, create a P.A.C. (post-apocalyptic calendar) and label your t-shirt so you and/or your brain-melted companions don’t forget your name. Probably the best use of a Sharpie, however, is disguising yourself as a zombie so they’ll think you’re one of them and leave you alone.
9. Night-Vision Goggles
Another no-brainer, night-vision goggles will allow you to see in the dark, which is especially useful for evading predators while navigating through dark ruins and for traveling at night, when murdering looters are often asleep. As a bonus, they can also help you identify ghosts and demons.
Experts agree: a towel is the single-most-important item for any go bag. Not only useful for filtering the poisons out of water, wiping off toxic waste and curling up with during a nuclear winter, a towel can have “immense psychological value … fellow survivors will automatically assume that you are also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. … and will then happily lend you any of these, or a dozen other items that you might accidentally have ‘lost’.”
If you can think of anything else I should pack in my go bag let me know in the comments!