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10 Types Of Facial Hair You Should Avoid

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I'm all for people expressing themselves, but can't they find a better way than facial hair fails? Especially when it leads to one-upping the beard and 'stache fails of others? Here's the 10 facial hair fails that make me wanna attack people with a razor and go Delilah on their Samson asses!


Monkey Tail Beard


The first thing I think when I see this monstrosity is I hope the doctors don't give him the protective apron when he gets x-rays. I want that sperm's power annihilated by radiation. The second thing I think is anus mouth. No one wants to kiss anus mouth. I hope.


Pedo/Porn 'Stache


Your mustache makes you look like you wanna get with jailbait or a woman who works under the name Cherry Poppins. If you see this 'stache on a dude, hide yo kids and yo wife.


Asymmetrical Beard


Congratulations, a-hole! You look like your friends punked you when you passed out after drinking too much Pabst Blue Ribbon.


Soul Patch


Every time I see a one of these I think of some sensitive a-hole playing Hey, Soul Sister on an acoustic guitar. That's bad. Then I think of committing a felony against him with his own instrument. That part is good.


Dreadlock Beard 


This beard probably smells of patchouli and is bound together with seitan. Yuck. It also reminds me that I really need to brush my cat's hair more. Before she gets nasty-a** cat dreads.




This guy thinks he looks FINE. If he wasn't a wannabe gang-banger, I'd really set him straight.


Really, REALLY Overly-Manicured


OH THE HUMANITY! It's like a boy band and tribal tattoo had a baby that I really wanna punch in the face.


Forehead 'Stache


This is a mugshot, which is very appropriate for this crime against good taste.


Amish Beard (When You're Not Amish)


This goes for Abe Lincoln beards when you're not Abe Lincoln as well. If you use electricity and haven't emancipated the slaves, STOP IT!


Peach Fuzz


If you're a girl or a boy or a Bieber…get rid of the lip fuzz. It makes us question your gender. And the world is confusing enough without having to decipher this:


What kind of facial hair are you sick of seeing? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

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