Funny Articles

14 Celebrity Baby Names Worse Than ‘Blue Ivy’

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Celebrities get to do things a lot of us don't get to do. Things like owning entire islands, going on the official White House water slide while holding hands with the President, overdosing on pills in a 50,000 a night hotel room, and naming their kids a bunch of unusual sh*t. Like, for example, Beyonce and Jay Z had their child this week, and they named it "Blue Ivy." But celebrity baby names can get even MORE unusual. How unusual you ask? Take a gander:




Jermaine Jackson, one of the lesser Jacksons, named his son Jermajesty. Rivaling perhaps only Ozymandias himself in his hubris, it's at least better than some of the other names he was thinking of giving his son, including: Jertastic, Jertabulus, President Emperor Jermajesty – King Of All That He Sees. Also note that his father, standing above him, is wearing a vest made out of solid gold.




Great, Nicholas Cage, now if your kid doesn't end up saving the entire planet from certain doom his entire life will feel like a let down. Could you imagine how much of a let down you would be if you were named after Superman and you ended up being the manager of a Staples?




Mitt Romney named his son "Tagg" which is short for "Taggart," because apparently he thought his son would grow up to be a spy from the 70's who plays by his own rules and always gets his man.


Denim And Diezel


Toni Braxton named her kids Denim and Diezel because, according to her public relations representative, "She does not care for children."


Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen


Frank Zappa named his child Diva Muffin, apparently it was between that and "Farts Tardler Meat Septic Prunk."


Sage Moonblood (Seriously No Sh*t)


Sylvestor Stallone presumably named his son this because when he took the birth certificate for the boy home he accidentally got it mixed up with his Dungeons and Dragons character creation sheets.


Pilot Inspektor


Jason Lee blessed the world with this name for his child, which actually makes sense, after you learn that he bought his book of names for children from the year 3037.



Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily


Michael Hutchens always believed that the names of children are the perfect place for a parent to make a cry for help.


Zoltan And Moxie Crime Fighter


Penn Gillete was clearly forced to name his children at gunpoint.


Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle and Little Pixie Geldof


Bob Geldof, celebrity activist and musician, gifted his children these names. HIs goal was obviously to make sure that the only job they'd ever be able to get is waiting for shoe makers to fall asleep then sneaking in at night and make shoes for them while they sleep.



What do you plan to name your children? Let us know in the comments!


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