17 Dumb Punny Tweets That Will Ruin Your Day
Puns are a surprisingly difficult aspect of comedy. Pulling off a great pun involves a certain degree of cleverness and self-awareness, especially since so many people spit in the face of God and rail against puns. How can anyone hate that perfect blend of cringe-worthy and wordplay? You are not alone if you hate puns; Samuel Johnson, the writer of the Dictionary of the English Language (the major dictionary before the Oxford English Dictionary), once said, “To trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his Mother Tongue would invade the recesses of the paternal till without remorse.” Unfortunately for Johnson, though, the human race does love a good gamble. Here are some punny tweets for your enjoyment (or ire).
I rest my case pic.twitter.com/y1jS72GtDb
— Ryan (@Million) April 6, 2016
"Babe can you move over?"
"But I don't have mushroom" pic.twitter.com/MgdfEC01aR
— Durag Model (@ThatWiggaDev) January 5, 2017
Q: What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination?
A: HAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYE
— brandon sheffield (@necrosofty) January 3, 2017
I once dated an apostrophe. Too possessive.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 12, 2015
Smells like pic.twitter.com/sYOjuMZlps
— Laura Kalbag (@laurakalbag) August 5, 2016
What's made of brass, and, sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones.
— Chris Green (@Chris_M_Green) March 6, 2014
"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped
— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) April 7, 2014
"Anybody here named Jeff?"
— Matt Tobey (@mtobey) January 21, 2016
I mashed 6.022×10²³ avocados to make this guac a mole
— Terry F (@daemonic3) January 16, 2015
"What's your name, son?"
"Uhhhh…" [looks at cop's shirt pocket] pic.twitter.com/zhgzInhIAT
— josh (@ruinedpicnic) December 22, 2015
"I just tried to make reservations at the library"
You don't need a res-
"Couldn't get one though"
Don't do this
"They were fully booked"
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 4, 2015
where did you come from
where did you go
where did you come from pic.twitter.com/fKzDa0PllR
— joe (@thats_joe_raven) January 10, 2016
Oh-oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll warm you up
Oh-oh here she comes
She's a pic.twitter.com/VIrPeXUC59
— Jess Devonport (@neverjessie) February 14, 2016
You've been hit by,
You've been struck by… pic.twitter.com/uJdI5UZY5u
— Neil (@_Enanem_) January 29, 2016
I like my tea how I like my men pic.twitter.com/shYpSX93EW
— beth Ⓥ (@bhought0n) October 17, 2016
Cop: "Detective, we already had the chalk outline taken care of. His bulge is accurate enough"
Dick Tracy: "Almost finished"
— Velvet Tusk (@velvettusk) March 30, 2015
"sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"
*turns to camera*
*cop starts breakdancing*
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 18, 2013
What are your favorite puns? Tell me about them on Twitter!