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2011 New Years Resolutions (You Still Have Time To Try)

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Ever since Halloween, CVS has been freaking out about the holidays. At first, I was like, what are you doing? But then I was like, oh shoot, the year IS almost over. What about those 2011 New Year’s Resolutions? There’s no way any of us completed them. All right, mid-November, it’s time to revise that list to things you can actually probably check off.


Try A New Mexican Food


What began as a resolution to learn the Spanish language can be reduced to just eating a new item on the menu at Juanito’s Burritos. Hey, “carne” and “asada” are two words right there. You’ve gotta start somewhere!


Take The Stairs Sometimes


Not sure what could have possessed you to declare you were going to run a marathon by the end of the year. That would be so much workout-clothes laundry. Consider taking the stairs on the way up to your office or classroom once a day. But not every time—then you become That Guy. Ugh, get a tent, Hippie.


Floss Once


Every time you go to the dentist, the hygienist tells you you need to floss. It’s a little embarrassing. So this year, you vowed things would be different. This year, she wouldn’t need to spend twenty-five minutes sifting out plaque from the back right side of your mouth. But alas, you get tired during your bedtime routine, so… Try flossing just once, you’ll be surprised at how accomplished you’ll feel with all that blood sloshing out of your gums.


Eat Salads Also


According to your December 2010 self, you were going to lose 15 pounds this year. You attempted to eat healthy for maybe two weeks in January, but then it was Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, and you weren’t not going to have a slice of birthday cake! As long as you eat salads along with your meals, you can feel like you’re taking a step toward accomplishing weight loss in the long run. It’ll just be a really, really long run, which, as we’ve established above, you can work your way around doing.


Hold The Elevator Door At An Inconvenient Time


Community service was on your 2011 to-do list, but that sort of fell by the wayside once you realized you had to actually respond to the e-newsletters. I mean, volunteer at a soup kitchen for a day, serve a man a meal. Don’t volunteer, and that man will learn to use a ladle for life. Just get that same feeling by holding the elevator door for your neighbor who’s running as it’s closing, or better yet, stick your hand in the not-closing doorframe for someone who’s really close but is holding groceries.


Surf The Web More


You were going to read the Shakespeare canon, but you got distracted by sour-tasting yogurt. Listen, for every blog post you read, you are engaging with the English language an iota more than you would have had you spent the afternoon, like, outside. You finished this one! Good job!


What resolutions did you guys make for 2011? Did you keep them? Let us know in the comments!


Check Out The 10 Worst Places To Spend New Years!