Funny Articles

5 Default Tech Settings You Really Should Change

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Some very smart people are concerned that our rapidly developing abilities with AI will one day create an artificial intelligence so smart that it destroys us all. And to that, I say good. God grant me some peace. But do you know what technology I do hate? Bad technology. And sometimes, even good technology can be bad technology if you don’t adjust the settings properly. Want some examples? You ass, why can’t you just trust me? Fine, here are some examples…

Motion smoothing

turn off motion smoothing

Guys, it is 2017, and you cannot be leaving the factory settings on your TV. Everything was not meant to look like a soap opera. Directors shoot things a certain way, and then here you come just smoothing out the motion?! How dare you.

“Download Toolbar and Search Engine”

ask dot com

Hey man, look, I get it; sometimes the only place you can find a piece of software is from a website that is… let’s say less than reputable. You must be careful beyond just the malware and virus searches; while clicking the “accept” button each time, really take a look at those boxes, because so so so often it will try to install a stupid task bar in your web browsers So. Hard. To. Get. Rid. Of.


windows update

I understand why people leave auto-update on — having to go through and either manually update your software or have your software bombard you with reminders to update it can be pretty annoying. HOWEVER. you know what updates are known to sometimes do? F*ck your sh*t up. Especially if it’s a big update, maybe do a little probing and see if any of the poor souls who do update everything immediately have any feedback such as “this update has ruined my life”.

Twitter notifications

twitter notifications

Leaving your Twitter notifications on is… I mean, are you insane??? Either your Twitter account is one of the least interacted with in the history of that wretched, miserable site, or you just love the sound of beeping/feeling of buzzing coming from your pocket, in which case you’re a sick freak and should still turn notifications off so no one realizes how deranged you are.

Permission to invade your privacy

amazon echo gone bad

At this point, every single piece of technology wants your data. What you watch, where you go, what you buy — your privacy is constantly being invaded. I think in North America in particular, we don’t acknowledge how dangerous it is to constantly let opaque private companies know your business. And what’s truly insane is that invading your privacy is the default setting. You have to go through the settings and find every single checked box and uncheck them, which is… I mean, it just shouldn’t be the default setting, y’know? Oh, also you’re insane for having an Amazon Echo in your home. It’s a spy machine. What a great future that we live in.

Sometimes I wish we were still scavenging for berries and edible bark in the woods.