5 Hairstyles Guys Should Never Have (If They Want to Get Laid)

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The weekly update from Melanie on the state of dating affairs in the world.

In today’s modern world with computers and motorcars and such, we know that we have to look good in order to attract the opposite sex, but sometimes it seems as though there are some guys out there who shun mirrors like they were the Quakers in early colonial times.

These guys are clueless and if you happen to have one of the following hairstyles growing out of your little noggin, you should take this as an intervention…

The Hipster Mullet

This shouldn’t even need to be said because everyone should know mullets are the ultimate no-no, but time and time again, I see attractive boys growing baby mullets.

Sorry sir, the “party in the back” look is just not cute, no matter how ironic you think it is.

The Guido Blow Out

This one goes out to all my fellas in the Dirty Jerz. I’m talking to you, Pauly D! This style looks as though the head has been trapped inside some sort of wind tunnel in a Elmer’s plant.

The amount of gel/ height of hair ratio should never exceed 1:1. Plus why in the world would you want to be more flammable?

>The JewFro

Just because Seth Rogen pulls off the Jewfro effortlessly doesn’t mean you can just walk right in and pretend like that pile of oddly shaped curls and frizz constitutes something even remotely considered cute.

A simple trim down would reduce some of your Bob Ross similarities considerably. Your chances of getting cast as the goofy but lovable lead in a Judd Apatow movie (0.009%) wouldn’t go down too much, we promise.

Girl Hair

We all know that guy. The one who just WON’T cut his hair. The guy you may stand behind on the lunch line and when he turns around you’re shocked that he possesses a penis.

These people can be found at the following places: LARPing in the park, Magic: the Gathering Tournaments, and creeping outside your window at night. These creatures should be approached with extreme caution, especially when discussing the removal of their precious locks.

The Bowl Cut

Ian Hecox. Enough Said.