Funny Articles

The 5 Most INTENSE Nerf Guns

By  | 

Since the early ’90s, kids have been practicing their marksmanship on each other’s eyeballs with various NERF Blasters. But as real guns get bigger, more elaborate, and even stupider, so too must toy guns. And so, here are five insanely intense NERF guns from the company’s N-Strike series.

NERF N-Strike Elite Rhino-Fire Blaster

intense nerf rhino
(source)

Look, if I have kids, I don’t want them getting shot by something called the “Rhino-Fire Blaster” on the playground, because it sounds like something strong enough to take down a freaking rhinoceros. And looking at this thing. It’s not too far off, what with its own tripod and drum clips. It looks like it was sent by Skynet from the future to kill Sarah Connor.

NERF N-Strike Elite Hyper-Fire Blaster

intense nerf hyper
(source)

“How many tiny darts does one kid need?” is the eternal question, if we’re being honest, and luckily the “Hyper-Fire Blaster” exists. This way, they can decimate the entirety of their school without needing to stop and reload. Just how many eyes did you want to put out today, Timmy?

NERF N-Strike Elite Rampage Blaster

intense nerf rampage
(source)

Okay, are these Nerf guns or American Gladiators? This one is not only hilariously named, but also comes with the slightly troubling pump action that can make kids feel like they’re doing away with hordes of Walkers.

NERF N-Strike Mega Mastodon Blaster

intense nerf mastodon
(source)

The Rampage just got topped. Feast your eyes on the MASTODON, a comically oversized weapon of mass destruction that I didn’t even feel comfortable Googling. Why was this a thing that needed to exist? How do you even fight one of these? Well, luckily, the fine folks at Nerf had long-range experts in mind…

NERF N-Strike Longstrike CS-6

intense nerf long
(source)

That’s right, bet you didn’t think “Longest Nerf Rifle” would’ve been a viable selling point. The Longstrike CS-6, surprisingly discontinued by now, is basically the foam answer to a sniper rifle. So all of those bullies dragging their MASTODONS around the playground will have to answer to the… holy crap, THREE-FOOT LONG Longstrike. Look, maybe I’ll just stick to freeze tag. The world is getting too dangerous to live in.

How many tiny darts will you rain down upon your enemies? Let me know on Twitter!

comments