5 Musical Artists That Inspired (Terrible) Video Games
If you’re like me, you love bad music with a passion. If you’re even more like me, you have a similar affinity for bad video games. If you’re even MORE like me, your idea of heaven is when the two collide in a grotesque mishmash of mediocrity. And if we’re that similar, hey, maybe we’re siblings? Wanna hang out over the holidays? JUST WRITE ME BACK ALREADY. In the meantime, here are five times that musical artists inspired terrible video games.
Back in the early ’90s, the novelty of CD-ROMs and video editing were all the rage, leading to so, so many “games” being predicated on just chopping and screwing your own crappy videos. And hell, since it’s the early ’90s, why NOT throw C + C Music Factory in the mix? On the list of “Things That Make Me Go Hmm…”, this is number one with a bullet.
Make My Video
SEE WHAT I MEAN? The brutal Make My Video series featured three installments, a veritable smorgasbord of insanely dated trash. In order of talent/relevance, we had INXS, Kris Kross, and holy hell, Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch. Unless you’re letting me use cutting-edge graphic technology to drop ACME-style anvils on these people, this game is the HARDEST of nos for me.
Devo Presents Adventures of the Smart Patrol
A Devo game in theory sounds like it could be pretty rad in a surreal, fever-dream kind of way. That theory was not applied here. What resulted was a drab point-and-click adventure that is part of the reason the term “CD-ROM” haunts me to this day. You’d think they could have… whipped… up a better game? Eh? Is that anything?
Pinball can already be mind-numbingly frustrating, so why not shoehorn in the world’s most insufferable band to crank the migraines up to 11? With two bland tables to choose from and literally nothing else to speak of, KISS Pinball seems tailor-made for about 4.4 seconds of fun. At the very least, in a hilarious act of mercy, you can open up the lid of the PlayStation and play whatever CD you want while you play, meaning you can listen to literally anything but KISS.
Guitar Hero: Van Halen
The one million different Guitar Hero variants were, for the most part, pretty swell. Playing the music of bands like Metallica was novel in its own mid-’00s way, but Guitar Hero: Van Halen managed to screw all that up on a mind-boggling scale. It should tell you everything that in this game, you play as Van Halen the way they CURRENTLY look. No offense to my boys, but that’s like buying a Marlon Brando acting simulator where the only level is The Island of Dr. Moreau.
How badly do you want to play a game from the POV of Milli Vanilli? Let me know on Twitter!