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5 Songs They Need To Have In The ‘Twilight’ Musical

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Okay, so I have to admit when I first saw a news story about a Twilight musical happening, I had to stop myself from throwing my laptop into the wall.But then I started seeing the comic possibilities, especially if it takes more of a parody turn and isn't trying to be the next Phantom of the Opera. I mean haven't us non-Twihards suffered enough? We need a Twilight for those who hate Twilight! And in my opinion, there is no better way to mock than with some smart-ass, catchy tunes. Here are 5 songs I'd like to see in the new Twilight musical!


You And That That Dumb Vacant Look You Always Have On Your F*@ckin' Face –Edward Cullen


Only in the world of the undead could Bella Swan be considered a lively beauty. I think it would be cute to see Edward sing a little ditty about about Bella and her daft ways. Like maybe he adores it, but sometimes it makes him wanna bash her head in? Just sayin'!

Remember on our wedding night?

I made you scream and shout!

But one more dumb dumb look from you

I'm serious, Imma tear your f*@cking throat out! 

The good thing about Bella is that you can try to kill her and she'll forgive you if you say JK!


I'd Die Without You, But I'd Rather Die With You (LOL)–Bella Swan


If there's one thing I hate about girls, it's when they're like Bella Swan. Gloria Steinem's poos are more feminist than she'll ever be! An annoying girl ballad is a must for any Twilight musical!

If dying's what it takes,  

then by all means!

I'll give you all that I have,

'cept  my new skinny jeans.

So,can you please stop borrowing them?  Cause it's kinda bugging me that they look better on you.

I mean a girl's gotta take a stand somehow? Am I right?


Sparkle, Bitch. SPARKLE! –The Whole Cast


One of the most annoying thing about Twilight is the love triangle between Bella, the annoying tan abs dude and the skinny sparkly dead dude.  But hey! It's musical theater. So FINALLY the sparkle makes sense!  This one can be the big showstopper! Pull out all the sparkle!

Jacob-She needs a man who doesn't sparkle in the sun!

Edward– She's a girl, she's not your hot dog bun.

JacobSparkle bitch!

Edward- Fetch, bitch!

Bella- Stop it you guys!

Repeat ad nauseam.


I Watch You When You Sleep (The Stalker Song)—Edward Cullen


I say we deviate from the book slightly for this one.

Edward-.Watching you breath as you sleep, 

everything thing makes sense

Crossbow sound effect

Charlie Swan- WTF ? You undead creeper.

I'll argue self-defense.


Yo! Imma Totally Git With Your Baby!–Jacob Black


Of all the things in the Twilight books…I think we can all agree that Jacob's love for Renesmee is the the grossest thing ever. But that doesn't mean it won't make for a HILARIOUS song.

The moment you were torn from your mother's womb,

My heart went pitter pat.

And as she proudly showed you off,

I said 'Imma totally hit that.'

What are some of your ideas for Twilight:The Musical songs? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!

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