Funny Articles

5 Strangest Japanese Gums!

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Listen. Japan is weird. I know that. You know that. But today, I've discovered just how weird they are— enough to make chewing gum, the most innocuous substance in the world, weird as f*ck. You don't believe that boring, milquetoast chewing gum can be weird? Well, read on, skeptic!


Man Smell Gum

man smell gum


So, do the Japanese have some sort of chewing-on-a-viking fetish? Who wants a gum that tastes like the smell of a man? I smell like a man and I would much, much rather smell like gum! Maybe if everyone in this crazy world could just take a second and be proud of who they are and what they smell like, we wouldn't have to have witness such disgusting examples to prove the phrase "the grass is always greener".


Glico Uranaikko Gum

Glico Uranaikko fortune Gum


This gum features fortunes written on the sticks, and the negative fortunes will turn your tongue red. Some examples of negative fortunes include "your dog will be burned", "your X-Box will get three red lights", and "you will chew Japanese gum".


No Time Toothbrush

no time toothbrush gum


This gum brushes your teeth for you, when you have "no time" to do it yourself. I know, there are a bunch of gums in America that do this too, but this one is Japanese which gives everything a +5 weirdness modifier.


Slime-flavored gum

dragon quest slime gum


Now, hold on. Yes, it's slime gum, but it's a slime gum based on some RPG franchise called Dragon Quest. And thank God I took the time to Google around and find that, because if Japan had just straight-up made a slime-flavored gum I would have finally had to declare the country irredeemable.


B2UP breast enhancing gum

b2up breast gum


This chewing gum claims to enhance breast size by releasing small amounts of pueraria mirifica. I don't know what that is, but apparently it makes your breasts bigger. And it's probably true! A gum manufacturer said it! Adding further credibility to the gum-makers' claims is that none of the websites selling the gum have been updated since 2007! All the employees are too busy to update their websites because they have so many dates due to their enormous, gum-enhanced breasts!


Which gum is the weirdest? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!


Check out the 5 Weirdest Japanese Soft Drinks!