Funny Articles

5 Subtle Disses from Your Parents You’ll Never Get Over

By  | 

Your folks know you better than anyone (even if they’ve been lying to you for years). But that means they can also burn ya butt better than anyone. These are five classic disses from your parents that you must avoid at all costs.

“When I was your age”

princess bride faulk

Have you ever tried to have a normal conversation with your parents and gotten the ol’ “When I was your age”? Be careful, because it’s a dang trap. Don’t let your parents compare you to their past selves, because it’ll make you feel entitled and crappy. They might say something like, “I had to work throughout school and pay my own tuition while supporting my family.” We get it, you think you’re better than me!

“Are you sure you tried everything?”

glasses sass attitude

Sometimes you’ll just be complaining about an impossible problem like figuring out how to eco-consciously clean your apartment and out of nowhere, your parents will question your efforts like you’re some big idiot. Moms and Dads should just trust their children! (Although maybe their children didn’t consider using vinegar as a natural cleaner and that may come in handy! But they’ll still never understand us!)

“I don’t know why you’re single, you’re so good looking”

mom compliment daughter

There’s nothing worse than calling your parents to check in and having them bring up your love life. Sure, you could talk endlessly about how you self-sabotage and the fact that you’ve asked yourself why you’re still single multiple times, but who are they to pry? Just because they made you and they help you financially doesn’t mean they get to pry into your personal life! But also, yeah, dating is hard.

“Come visit, we miss you”

come visit scary

This may seem like an innocent invitation, but be warned — they just want to get you in their clutches so that they can verbally obliterate you. And also feed you and comfort you and– Haha, almost saw things from their point of view! But guess what? Ain’t nobody foolin’ me! I mean us! We all deal with this! I’m talking about everyone!

“You know you can tell us anything, right?”

dad talk bedroom

Ha! Really? Anything? It’s just that… things are hard, okay? It was so easy sitting on the couch all day watching reruns of That 70s Show in high school and now that I’m an adult and I have to provide for myself… Well. it’s just a lot harder than I thought it’d be. And– and what I’m trying to say is… stop trying to diss me! I WILL NOT BE BURNED BY YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!

I think I’ve proven my point. If you are also receiving these types verbal attacks from your parents, let me know on Twitter @bjrainstein!