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5 Ways to Scam Everyone Into Giving You Free Stuff

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We live in tough times in general, but going through tough times financially can make things even worse. As someone who doesn’t have the nerve or body to start stripping, I’ve had to get creative. And I’m not talking grabbing a side hustle, I’m talking scamming your way to the top. Here are some tips on how to get there.

1. Steal your Wi-Fi

joanne the scammer wifi
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Why keep Spectrum in business when you can focus on building your own business? Also, those cable companies are so big and corporate, it’s basically like supporting Trump. A good way to stick it to the man is to exclusively get your Wi-Fi from local coffee shops. Just park it in the back of the room with your laptop, a snack, and maybe even your dog. If someone tries to tell you to buy something or that pets aren’t allowed, or that you have to leave because they’re closing, just put in your headphones.

2. Sneaking onto Public Transportation

oanne the scammer public transportation
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Those of us who rely on public transportation know that the cost can add up, it’s annoying to have to keep track of and maintain that refillable access card, and that buses always somehow smell like pee. So get over that smell by getting over on your local bus driver by sneaking on without paying. My favorite strategy is finding the girl at the bus stop with the biggest hair and just hiding inside of it.

3. Take Extra Sauce Packets at McDonald’s

joanne the scammer
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You guys know that McDonald’s workers are so stingy with their sauce. You’d think that it’s made of liquid gold, or that they take money from their checks for every packet they give out… or that they have to make those packets last because they’re open 24/7? I don’t know. But I demand to get both a packet of BBQ sauce and a packet of sweet and sour for every single fry I order. My strategy with this one is to ask the cashier if the ice cream machine is working — it won’t be, but you should insist that they go check. Then, jump swiftly through the drive-thru window and grab as many packets as you can carry.

4. Make a Meal out of Free Samples

joanne the scammer free samples
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Food is expensive! Honestly, who can afford to buy groceries every other month (because the barely ever even cook)? Not me. Instead, you should just go to your local Costco or Sam’s Club and stake out the free samples. If you can get your hands on enough of those, you’ve scammed your way into a free meal. However, if they give you crap about grabbing more than one sample, have a few wigs and sunglasses handy. You can change your identity in the bathroom.

5. Take a Shower in the Rain

joanne the scammer shower rain
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I know my water bill isn’t the only one that’s been getting more and more expensive. Yes, I have been taking 45 minutes showers every morning because I’ve been using the time to practice my one woman show, but c’mon! My strategy is to scam the biggest business of them all: the environment. Wait to shower until the next time it rains in your town. Then, strip down and let mother nature pay your water bill.

Have any other scams? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!

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