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6 Pokemon The Government Is Secretly Developing As Weapons of War

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Yes Pokemon are cute. Yes they are adorable. But with a little genetic modification they can also be deadly, efficient killers. No one has learned that better than the U.S. Government. In 2005 the U.S. military, in conjunction with the CIA, created a secret program to weaponize certain Pokemon so that they could be sent on missions that traditional ground troops simply could not handle. Here are but a few of the Pokemon that the government has turned into weapons of war.


1. Blastoise

Blastoise's water cannons are already fairly potent, but CIA scientists went ahead and increased the water pressure on his water cannons by over 7,000%, giving the water cannons enough force to turn flesh into butter, or shatter a steel door in seconds. They also taped his eyelids open so he couldn't blink, and then made him watch "Twilight: Eclipse" over and over again until he learned to feel nothing but hate.


2. Weezing

Weezing was already a cloud of deadly gas, so CIA scientists just changed the chemical compound so that he became a floating cloud of deadly neurotoxins. Now if an enemy combatant steps into Weezing they immediately become dizzy, followed by a small headache, and then evacuate their internal organs out of their bowels. Weezing is a sweet guy though, so he always feels really bad about it.


3. Psyduck


Psyduck's combat applications are obvious. The CIA captured Psyduck in 2007, injected him with a serum to keep him in a permanent state of unconsciousness, and now use his mind powers to control foreign heads of state. Usually they use this power to get the foreign heads of state to say embarrassing things at dinner like, "Excuse me can you pass the pee? I like eating pee."


4. Jigglypuff

On the surface Jigglypuff may seem to be of little use of the U.S. military, but that was before the U.S. military surgically implanted a flamethrower in his mouth.


5. Turtwig

Turtwig's files are classified Top Secret. So it is hard to know exactly what the CIA and the U.S. Military have done with Turtwig. The only information that is known is that Turtwig has been present at the JFK assassination, two failed CIA assassination attempts on Fidel Castro, and the shooting death of Tupac Shakur. What was he doing there? You be the judge.


6. Carl Winslow

Most people don't know that Carl Winslow is actually a Pokemon. But he is. He is the final form of Mewto. His powers include the psychic destruction of his enemies, being able to snipe a target at a distance of seven miles in the blinding snow, and getting really angry at Steve Urkel for overstaying his welcome.

Which Pokemon makes the best weapon?


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