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The 6 Top Arguments to Convince Your Parents You NEED a Dog for Christmas

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You desperately want a dog, but the ‘rents say no. You’ve assured them you’ll be responsible for feeding, walking, etc. You’re mature and ready! Why can’t you have a dog, already? Still, they don’t budge. Well, here are some excellent arguments to convince your parents once and for all that you need a dog this Christmas.

1. They’ll keep me warm

Mom, Dad, Winter is upon us. The utility bill is outrageous. Getting a dog will help me cut back on my heater use and save you big bucks!

2. They’ll help me hunt for sustenance when things go all post-apocalyptic

Mama, Papa, you’re always talking about how the world has gone to sh*t. Don’t you think I need a strong, capable hunting companion when society collapses and we’re all left to fend for ourselves?

3. I won’t be a drug addict

Mummy dearest, Papa darling, you know I’m at that pivotal stage where temptation to do drugs is everywhere. I could easily get in with the wrong crowd at school and then down the drain go all your hopes and dreams for me as I’m addicted to drugs — the really bad ones. Get me a dog and I won’t need dangerous human friends who would lead me astray.

4. I will be the President of the United States!

Mutherg, Futherg, historically, presidents have had pets while at the White House. The Clintons had Socks, the Bush family had Barney, and the Obamas had Bo and Sunny. Do you see the trend? The only thing holding me back from being the President is that I don’t have a dog.

5. A dog will rescue me from prison.

Mewmew, Pewpew, if I am framed and wrongfully imprisoned, do you just want me to rot away? If I had a dog, it could Pirates of a Caribbean-style-ish give me the keys.

6. A dog will get me into Harvard

Muo$uwle#hljk, Puo$uwle#hljk, I’m extremely busy and what better way to help maximize my efforts to get into a top university then a dog to hold my papers as I eat? As they say, don’t work harder, work smarter and get a dog.

Sooooo, how’d it go? What’s your new dog’s name? I wanna see pics! Send me your success story on Twitter @AndiHester!