6 Worst Super Powers To Have
People are always talking about how cool, how convenient, and how commercially viable it would be to have special powers. But few realize that with great power comes a great deal of headaches that will only make you wish you never took that “radiation challenge” on YouTube.
Apparent Upside: You have all the time in the world to do what you want or return that Netflix disc when you want.
Actual Downside: Few people nowadays make enough money to last the month, much less forever, resulting in beyond crippling debt. Lack of a deadline will equal lack of motivation, causing you to spend most of eternity lying on a couch thinking about how cool it would be to return to college at age 438. You will outlive everyone you know, meaning eventually no one will get your inside jokes.
Talk to Fish
Apparent Upside: You can learn everything about what’s happening underwater or just above the water’s surface if you come across dolphins.
Actual Downside: Mercilessly ridiculed in public school when everybody finds out. Mercilessly ridiculed in college when everybody finds out. Mercilessly ridiculed at Justice League when everybody reads your application.
Apparent Upside: You can find out what everybody is thinking about all the time by just intensely staring at them.
Actual Downside: You’ll realize that what everybody is thinking all the time is actually unbelievably boring, shockingly perverted, or simply “Why is this weirdo staring at me?” All holiday and birthday surprises will be ruined for you. You will spend your entire life insecurely scanning people’s thoughts about your looks, your intelligence, or whether they would sleep with you.
Assume Form of Small Animals
Apparent Upside: You can sneak in undetected anywhere. Plus, sheer adorability makes for great Facebook photos
Actual Downside: Almost anything can kill you, from a light breeze to an ill-timed door opening. While you eavesdrop you’ll never have a notepad to write down what you heard and you’ll be too busy thinking “Oh God! Is that an owl?!” to concentrate anyway. No one takes a high-pitched call to put that gun down seriously. Few crimes have been prevented by dart snails.
Turn Anything into Ice
Apparent Upside: Can stop anyone in their tracks while no longer having to walk down hotel hallway to get ice.
Actual Downside: Spend most of your time sadly shaking your head when people ask, “Can you make fire, too?” Large portion of your day involves mopping up after things you froze several hours earlier. On really hot days, just when you need ice the most, all you can make is steam.
Apparent Upside: Can immediately go anywhere you want while flipping off every gas station you pass.
Actual Downside: Most people don’t realize just how cold it is in mid-air, resulting in severe frostbite on initial flight. Just because you can fly doesn’t mean you instinctively know how to get to Paris, causing you to hover aimlessly over the Pacific Ocean until you nod off and drown. Everyone you know will want a free ride, but not everyone will be able to hold on properly.
What powers are you glad you don't have? Let us know in the comments below!