7 Mythical Creatures That Deserve The ‘Twilight’ Treatment
Vampires used to be so flippin' cool! Despite the fact that they were blood-sucking freaks, you used to be able to totally understand why depressed goth teens would get their panties in a bunch just thinking about locking lips with an undead hottie. Enter Twilight. Exit the vampire boners of any sane person. But just because vampires have been ruined, doesn't mean that we can't get some hot and heavy human/mythical creature action going again, am I right? Yes. Yes I am. Here are my choices for the next mythical creatures who need to star in their own supernatural romance series. So get on it writers who are better than Stephenie Meyer! That means all of you!
Hello? Centaurs are frickin' fine! And honestly, what teen girl would not want a smokin' hot boyfriend and pony all in one? The only downside is the humongous piles of dung he leaves outside of your window when he watches you sleep at night. Apparently sparkly vampires aren't the only mythical creatures with boundary issues.
Nothing tugs at the heartstrings of a good girl more than a guy struggling with a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. Ain't nothing more insurmountable than an ancient curse! In addition to the slammin' jewels he'll be throwing his true love's way, a mummy will also happily give her his heart. Unfortunately it will be in an Egyptian urn along with his other preserved organs. But you know what? I'd rather have someone's pickled spleen than their repulsive devil spawn eating my insides any day! Call me crazy!
Loving a cyclops would definitely appeal to a teen girl's Beauty and the Beast fantasy. I'm sorry, I can't concentrate with that creepy Photoshopped pic of Paris Hilton staring at me. It actually makes me like her, and that is a more horrifying discovery than realizing you love a slightly brain-damaged beast who constantly says corny things like 'I only have eye for you.'
Everyone loves unicorns, so it seems natural that we'd want to seem them get, well, horny. It's like a Lisa Frank sticker come to life. Real disturbing, teen sexual angst life. Although it sounds sweet in theory, I think we can all agree that we do NOT wanna see a Breaking Dawn-type scene, where a dead-eyed girl is ravaged by a sparkly unicorn. The only mythical beast I accept sparkling, btw!
Zombies are pretty popular right now and no one's really done a book or flick that focuses on their love lives. The only drawback is that the human in this love scenario would probably have to be as blockheaded as Bella, because a Zombie could never stand being around a girl with brains! SNAP!
How adorable would it be to see an evil leprechaun's heart soften as he realizes he loves a girl more than his beloved pot o' gold? If he wants to find a girl who would go for his 'Kiss me, I'm Irish!' routine, I suggest he start with the cast of one of the Real Housewives shows. That franchise is full of golddiggers…hehe.
DING DING! DING! DING! We have our winner, folks! This movie would be all kinds of awesome! Especially if he marries the unicorn. I predict a quadruple friggin' rainbow at their nuptials. Double Rainbow guy just hyperventilated to death at the mere thought of it.
What mythical creatures would you like to see get the Twilight treatment? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!