Funny Articles

7 Reasons Why I Won’t Be In Today

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One of the things that I love about my employer is that they understand that my job is a very stressful one and they give me 5 personal days per year.

These are days in addition to my sick days or vacation. I can use these whenever I want and just need to call HR to let them know that I wont be in, no explanation is needed.

But I choose to give a reason.

I am friends with all of the HR people and seem to have a good relationship with all of them. I was told when I took my first personal day that no excuse was needed but that if one was offered the HR representative must write it down verbatim to go my file. It was explained that in no way was I to be penalized for the reason they just took a little note, that's all.

Knowing my penchant for jackassery and tomfoolery the following results should be no surprise.


1. I Have Monkey Pox

I don't know what the symptoms of Monkey Pox are. I just wanted it recorded that I had it.


2. I Wet My Pants

ìYa hi, this is Chris and I won't be in today. I wet my pants, so I need to stay home and deal with this.


3. I Am Still Way Too Drunk To Drive

I thought this might make me look as if I'm being safe and conscientious.


4. I Sat On My Balls

After I said this (to my buddy in HR) he spent 30 seconds trying to muffle his laugh then asked if I could spell that for him.


5. My Midiclorian Count Is Way Too Low

I was kinda upset when it seemed that the HR rep didn't get this reference but he ended the phone call by saying, "may the force be with you."


6. My Clothes Are All Dirty

It was odd, he acted as if he had heard this before. It must be a common excuse.


7. I Think I Have Cooties

Are cooties a thing? The HR rep acted as if they were. I might have been admitting that I had a real disease.


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