Funny Articles

7 Reasons Why A Pet Monkey Is A Horrible Idea

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Who doesn't want a pet monkey?

Although we all love monkeys and all things monkey-like, here are a few reasons that getting a monkey as a pet is a bad idea.


It's Illegal

After a bit of research I have found that monkey ownership requires some licensing and specialized training, and some states just forbid monkey love altogether. I question the laws of a country that allows people to own dozens of guns or multiple cats but not one monkey.


Monkeys Have A Special Relationship With Poo

Poo is and always will be the monkey's tool. He might use it to fling, to show disdain or wipe it on objects, to mark his territory… but rest assured that a monkey and his poo are a constant you will have to live with.


A Monkeys Leg/Arm Continuum

Maybe it is just me but monkey feet freak me out! I will never get used to the fact that Mr Bubbles is as likely to throw something at you… with his arms or legs.


Monkeys Will Eat All Your Bananas

Monkeys LOVE bananas, but so do I. Where am I going to get my potasium? HUH?


Monkeys Are Horrible At Video Games

You would think that with four hands and four thumbs that they would own at GTA. Not so much, they just break your Xbox controllers while eating all of your Cheesy Poofs.


Monkeys Are Terrible Card Players

Its poker night with the guys and you thought it might be funny to have the monkey play a few hands. It was funny until the monkey dislocated Steve’s shoulder and ate half of the poker chips. Plus monkeys can't bluff.


Monkeys Are Not A Good Choice As A Wing-Man

It sounded like a good idea to take the monkey to the bar, women would find him cute and want to talk to you, right? I find it hard to get a girls phone number after the monkey has gotten angered by the loud noise mistaken the hair of the woman I was hitting on, to be an enemy that must be attacked.

All in all monkeys are cute and silly and for the most part entertain, but they are also smelly hostile poo-loving wild animals that are not of a temperament that lends itself to being a pet. With that said I am going to look into getting a pet ocelot. They look cool too.

What other reasons are monkeys lousy pets?

Check Out 12 Monkeys With Guns!