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7 Reasons Why Winter Sucks Balls

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Winter is the goddamn worst. Sure, Christmas can be cool, but the second everyone takes down the decorations, winter becomes an interminable slog; a boring, freezing hellscape. I can’t believe we have to live like half our lives in this sh*t. (Okay, I know winter isn’t technically half of the year but it feels like it.) Here’s some stone cold proof that winter sucks.

1. Seasonal affective disorder is a thing

People get depressed in the winter! Thanks to the decrease in sunlight in winter months, some people get seasonal depression, with all the same symptoms of people with other depressive disorders. Approximately 10 percent of people in Alaska have it. People in warmer climates get it too, but less so – rates of SAD in Florida are about 1 percent. I totally have it — I basically can’t function when it’s colder than 70 degrees. We just had a really sunny day and I could not believe how different my mood was. I felt alive. I felt like anything was possible. I felt like it was summer.

2. Frostbite

Winter is so cold, it can make your limbs die and rot right off your body! Awesome.

3. Harder to show off cute outfits


Maybe this isn’t quite on par with frostbite, but it’s hard to show off cute outfits in winter. You always have to wear a coat outside, and you probably have to wear multiple layers inside, too. Everyone’s so excited to put on sweaters in October but by January you’re sick of wearing sixteen layers just so your blood doesn’t freeze in your veins.

4. No hat for your nose

No matter how many layers you wear, your nose is still going to be cold! There’s no hat for your nose. And don’t even talk to me about scarves. Scarves aren’t good enough.

5. That brown sludgy snow


Everyone thinks snow is so beautiful but they’re thinking about snow when it first falls. You get to enjoy that for maybe one day. Then it melts a bit, and mixes in with dirt and mud, and for the next month you get to trudge through wet brown snow. Beautiful.

6. Dry skin

Winter makes your skin hella dry. I look like an unwrapped mummy right now.

7. People freeze to death

In England, about 30,000 people die from cold-related issues (hypothermia, winter flus, sh*t like that) EVERY YEAR. In America every year about 2,000 people die directly from the weather. Only 6 percent of those are from natural disasters like fires, floods, tornadoes, earthquakes, and hurricanes. 1/3 are from heat-related issues like heat stroke. But about TWO THIRDS are from exposure to the cold! Winter kills twice as many people as summer does, and 10 times as many people as all natural disasters put together! Winter is evil!!! All that data doesn’t even start to touch weather-related traffic accidents, which kill more than 7,000 Americans every year. And why do you think they’re crashing? Sunshine?? No. THAT’S WINTER SH*T right there. Winter is a murderer. You heard it here first.

Sorry to get so REAL right there at the end but my hatred for winter is a passion based in fact. Do you hate winter? Did I miss any good proof of its awfulness? Tweet at me and let me know @erikaheidewald