Funny Articles

7 Toys That Got Recalled When It Turned Out They Were Dangerous As Hell

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It’s the holiday season, which has most of us thinking about toys (not me though; revenge is on my brain….) As kids, we all had a good time with our toys (well, most of them), but what about the toys that didn’t have our best interests at heart? I’m talking about the dangerous toys, the toys that could even… KILL. And I don’t mean murderous supernatural toys, just the ones made by careless manufacturers. Check out these deadly toys, they’re pretty bonkers…


CSI: Fingerprint Examination Kit

This is so funny to me, because you’d think a fingerprinting kit would be a harmless toy to get kids interested in science. But OH NO! The fingerprint powder in this thing was full of ASBESTOS. For those of you who aren’t old enough to remember the reason American homes had to be purged of asbestos, it’s because it CAUSES CANCER. This toy was choc-full of Tremolite, which is one of the most dangerous forms of asbestos, so I hope your science was worth it, kids!


Cabbage Patch Kids Snacktime Doll

This doll has a mechanized mouth, used to simulate “chewing and eating”, and accidentally used to ACTUALLY chew and eat kids fingers and hair. It seems like anything that runs even the most remote chance of being dangerous if fingers are stuck in it should be kept as far away as possible from small children, y’know?


Lawn Darts

How did this thing even make it out of the original brainstorming session? What were the other toys they pitched? “New, from the makers of Lawn Darts, comes Literally Just Swords For Kids”


I remember ads for Skydancers growing up, and while they didn’t seem particularly dangerous to me, it’s important to note that I was a child who backyard wrestled, so what the hell did I know about safety? Skydancers shot up into the air like a damned rocket and fell to Earth like an anvil. Eye injuries, head injuries, chipped teeth — this thing caused them all, and somehow it took six years to be recalled.


Two heavy glass balls, whose only purpose was to be smashed against each other to make loud noises? Yeah, sure, how could that get dangerous in the hands of a child (all the ways, is how; all of the ways…)


Monster Science Colossal Water Balls

These were little marble-sized balls that, when put in water with the included “growth powder”, could grow up to 400 times their original size. Guess what kids did? ATE THE BALLS AND THE POWDER! You needed surgery to get these things out of your body, because it turns out your body isn’t supposed to be full of magically growing balls (grow up).

Aqua Dots

These little colored dots had a glue on them that, when sprinkled with water, bonded the dots together to form a blah blah blah the important thing is that if you ate the dots, the glue would metabolize in your system as GHB, AKA the date rape drug. Gee, I wonder if kids ate tiny little colored dots lol of course they did they are kids and cannot be trusted.


Be honest, how many of these would you have still played with? Let us know in the comments!

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