Funny Articles

7 Ways To Guarantee You’ll Hook Up Over Spring Break

By  | 

Everyone’s lookin' to hook up over spring break so it’s pretty hard NOT to get some action, but there are definitely ways to turn a probably into a sure thing. After watching numerous archived hours of MTV Spring Break, I’ve come up with some tips to help you stand out amongst the masses and get your hook up on!


Be Clean

Between all the wet t-shirt contests and the Dave Matthews cover band shows, most dudes find it hard to schedule in a shower. Don’t be the guy who considers himself clean because he does a daily cannonball into the pool. Girls will always prefer hooking up with a guy who smells like AXE over one who smells like a**. And don’t forget to always carry the little bottle of motel mouthwash with you… even the best smelling guy can be taken down by breath that smells like Dorito vomit.


Don’t Black Out

This is the only tip girls really need. If you end the night out cold—instead of holding you in his arms, he’ll be using you as his beer holder. The good news is you won’t remember the humiliation. The bad news is… that won’t matter after he tags you in this picture on Facebook.


Always Carry Snacks

Every party budget will be blown on kegs, ping pong balls and beer blasters. The smart guy knows that cheap beer and empty stomachs are great if you wanna pass out… not so much if you wanna make out. Trust me, when the girls start feeling queasy and you whip out that bag of Goldfish crackers, they’ll be on you faster than Snooki on a pickle.


Don’t Be Like This Guy

Nobody hooks up with the d-bag who gets sunburn pranked.


Lower Your Standards

Every guy wants the Megan Fox look-a-like and every girl wants the guy who has abs even Taylor Lautner doesn’t know about. But don’t waste time going for the hotties you’ll never get. By the time you realize your mistake, no one will be left to pair up with. Well, except for the guys in the picture above and the older divorcee who sang ‘My Humps’ to you at Kokomo’s Karaoke Shack.


Save A Girl From A Creepy Old Guy

Spring break hot spots are a magnet for older guys trying to relive their supposed glory days. If you see a girl being harassed by a guy who looks like a Jimmy Buffet fan out on parole, offer to escort her back to her motel. As long as you don’t do something creepy on the walk home, you’ll be getting steamy in that cesspool of a hot tub in no time!


Bring A Monkey

You should learn from this guy—Girls were lining up to play with his cute little monkey. You should also learn from this guy’s mistakes—the hookup opportunities dry up fast if they see the monkey pee on you or you make any pervy banana jokes.

So here’s hoping you all have the BEST SPRING BREAK EVER! Except for the guy who left his roommates this note…for you I wish nothing but a raging case of lip herp derp derp.

What are some of your favorite spring break hook-up tips ? Let us know in the comments!

Check Out Some Super Cheap A** Spring Break Ideas!