Funny Articles

7 Ways For Nerds To Lose Weight

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It's only a month in to 2013 and you've already broken your resolution to lose weight. Don't get discouraged. Just because you have had a small set back, that doesn't mean you should give up for the whole rest of the year. You probably just shot way too high. Maybe you should try to find some ways to lose weight that are more complimentary to your lifestyle. Here are ways for nerds to lose weight.


Go LARPing

giant larp battle


For hose who don't know, LARP stands for Live Action Role-Playing. It's those dudes in the park who are running around hitting each other with foam weapons. What you may not know if that LARPing is crazy fun and burns a ton of calories. In most places, you can find a LARPing organization that meets regularly to throw down on the battlefield. Just make sure it's actual battle LARPing and not the lame paper, rocks, scissors LARPing.


Eat Healthier Gaming Snacks

dungeon master soup meme


Instead of round after round of nachos and fried stuff during those marathon Dungeons and Dragons sessions, throw some vegetables in there occasionally. Something like carrots dipped in hummus is really delicious and way better for you than frying everything and dipping it in melted cheese. Plus, eating more healthy stuff is going to result in way less farts. You won't have to take periodic breaks to let your basement air out.


Give Yourself Hit Points

hit points meme


The average adult needs to eat about 2,000 calories in a day. Just think of those 2,000 calories as your hit points for the day and calories as damage. The only way to replenish your health is to exercise so be really careful to not take damage because exercising sucks. EXCERCISING SUUUUUUUCKS!!


Get A Faster Bully

terminator face melted


One problem you might be having is that your bully is in worse shape than you are. Running away from your bully is the only exercise that most nerds get. I know that was my main source of physical fitness growing up. This is why you need to get a more fit bully to start harassing you. A faster bully means you're going to have to run a lot harder to get away. Don't get too overzealous and get yourself a cyborg super bully from the future. There's no way you will be fast enough to out run his jetpack and a quantum wedgie is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you.


Walk In Place While Gaming

carrot top lifting weights


This may sound dumb, and it definitely looks dumb. Despite how dumb it is, it is a good way to burn calories during really long gaming sessions. Just make sure none of your friends tape you or you're going to end up on a clip show of dumbest people on the internet. This isn't going to give you rock hard abs, but it may help you keep from getting curves in all the wrong places.


Don't Eat Ironically

cheeseburger pizza


One of my favorite past times is surfing the internet for really insane food. I can get lost for hours looking at picture after picture of things that should never be fried. It's one thing to look at pictures of the worst food possible. It's a way other thing to actually eat the food. Just because you have the ida to make a chili dog Oreo pizza that doesn't mean you should actually create and consume it.



gamer with tons of mountain dew


Yes, I will concede that Mountain Dew tastes amazing, but drinking sodas and energy drinks by the case is not good for you. You only need water to stay hydrated and definitely don't need all of the empty calories that those drinks have in them. The problem is that if you're going to be up playing Call Of Duty for 3 days straight then you need to get some energy from somewhere. You could always drink a cup of the original energy drink coffee. Coffee is low in calories and high in caffeine as long as you don't gussy it up too much. Don't get some huge fancy chocolate caramel blended coffee drink. Those are pretty much just milkshakes.


How are you planning on bettering yourself? Let me know on twitter @zachlunch or in the comments below!


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