7 Ways to Ruin Thanksgiving for Everyone
Thanksgiving: that time-honored American tradition when we gather with relatives we barely know, gorge ourselves on a little bit of meat and a lot of carbs, and argue about politics and religion. The holiday is stressful enough, so try to avoid doing any of the following, or you just might have a familial disaster of epic proportions on your hands.
1. Make Your Guests Wear Ridiculous Holiday-Themed Hats
This one seems harmless, but making folks wear a goofy turkey headdress really sets the stage for a day full of humiliation and awkward moments.
2. Two Words: “Roasted Baby”
Guaranteed to leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.
3. Bring the Soup Kitchen to Your Kitchen
He might be the nicest guy living under the freeway overpass but he's also kind of a bummer to be around… always complaining… plus his beard smells like a can of expired Spam.
4. Invite an Alleged Murderer to Your Family Dinner
Even if he’s innocent, his presence is sure to make everyone uneasy. On the plus side: If he’s guilty, I’d bet he can carve a mean ham.
5. Stage a Hip-hop Reenactment of the First Thanksgiving
Be sure to give this guy the lead role.
6. Have a Pre-dinner Viewing of PETA’s Video Detailing Animal Abuse at the Turkey Slaughterhouse
There’s no better way to lift spirits, whet appetites, and instill a sense of thankfulness in folks than by showing them footage of their main course being stomped on, slammed against walls, and boiled alive. Bon appétit!
7. Introduce a New Family Tradition: The Clothing-Optional Thanksgiving Dinner
Let’s face it. Nobody wants to see Grandpa’s giblets… except for maybe Grandpa.
Have any Thanksgiving horror stories you want to share with us?