Funny Articles

8 Animals We Would Rather See Pulling Santa’s Sleigh

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Reindeer get the job done pulling Santa's sled. No one is arguing that they don't. But there are plenty of other animals would surely be far better at pulling Santa's sled than a bunch of boring reindeer. Here are some animals that would definitely kick Santa's sleigh rides up a notch.


1. Hammerhead Sharks

Hammerhead Sharks live for two things: to swim and to eat. They are single-minded killing machines who would never stop pulling the sled, as long as Santa kept throwing blood and chunks of meat in front of them to excite them.


2. Mogwai

Winter is the wettest time of the year, so if you had one Mogwai pulling Santa's sled at the beginning of the night, by the time the night was over there would be hundreds of thousands of Mogwai pulling Santa's sled. The work would get done in no time.


3. Evil Mechanical Spiders

Evil Mechanical Spiders would be great at protecting Santa from any planes he might accidentally get in the flight path of, because they could just spin metal webs around the planes and then crush them with their powerful mechanical spider limbs.


4. Shrek

Why tether Shrek to Santa's sled and force him to pull Santa around all night in the dark and the cold? Because firetrick Shrek, that's why.


5. Hot Female Krakens

It would just be hot to look up in the sky on Christmas eve and see a bunch of bikini-clad Krakens pulling Santa's sleigh. Mostly because I like my women like I like my coffee: tied to a sleigh and terrifying.


6. Baby Cthulu

Baby Cthulu would be an adorable animal to see sitting on your roof while Santa puts gifts under your tree. The only problem with Baby Cthulu is that he keeps replacing at the presents with pestilence, nightmares, and shrieking vermin.


7. Hellboy

Hellboy is strong, dedicated, and his wry sense of humor would keep Santa in stitches.


8. Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutchers are simple, loyal creatures who can be trained to go to the bathroom outside, and who get very strong off of a very small diet. The only problem with Ashton Kutchers pulling Santa's sleigh is that their waste is huge and when they do number 2 in the air it will fall incredibly fast and probably do a lot of damage to property.


What other animals would you like to see pulling Santa's sleigh? Let us know in the comments!


Watch Santa get down!