8 Creepiest (REAL) Children’s Books
Who knew the children's book section would offer some of the creepiest reading out there? Just in time for Halloween, here's a look at some books that are sure to leave you feeling more than a little disturbed. "WTF and Wrong" is now my favorite literary genre!
Love You Forever
This is a 'sweet' book about a mom who loves her baby boy forever. She creeps into his room each night and snuggles up to him while she whispers, "As long as I'm living. My baby you'll be." Awwww! It is sweet, kind of, until years later when she climbs through his window in the middle of the night and holds a grown ass man like a baby. I'm pretty sure after the book ends, the son kills his mother and gives her the Chuck Testa treatment. I'm with the cat…he's totally like "I'm friggin' out of here"!
It Hurts When I Poop
This is the frightening tale about a young boy who is afraid of passing a hard turd. Even more frightening is that one day a generation of kids who are so privileged that being scared to poop is their biggest childhood trauma will grow up and run the world. And on a side note, I'm not really sure what's going on with that dinosaur but it doesn't sit well with me.
Where Willy Went…
This is the heart-warming tale of a sperm. Named Willy. He teaches children the importance of practicing. You see, his swimming training pays off when he comes in first place and wins the grand prize of his swim meet–victoriously burrowing into Mrs. Browne's 'lovely and soft' egg. I can only hope that there is no such thing as a Willy the Sperm stuffed toy. No one wants to see their little one giving big kisses to sperm.
A Scary Thing Happened
Yes a scary thing did happen. Adults who supposedly have brains thought it would be cool to have children color pictures of planes crashing into the World Trade Center. This book seems more 'put you into therapy' than therapeutic.
I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much
This is the story of a young girl named Lisa, whose holidays are ruined by the drunken antics of her Pop. I hate to think of the punishment some kid is is gonna get when her drunk dad finds this book and goes into a full-on rage! Remember to blame your well-meaning but pushy teacher! Drunk dads hate those!
WTF! What child could get past this horrifying cover? Based on the cover alone I'm thinking something gruesome is going down. And heartwarming stories about dead-eyed girls who murder their kittens is my least favorite literary genre!
The Long Journey Of Mister Poop
This lovely book follows the inspiring journey of an apple as it makes it's way down a digestive track until it reaches it's final destination–turning into a piece of caca. It then apparently puts on a beret before being eaten by a wolf. Yum! I guess dogs aren't the only canines who see a fresh turd and think "LUNCH!"
The Giving Tree
I loved this book when I was a kid! Then I realized one day that the kid is a total a-hole who hacked the hell out of the tree until it was nothing but a stump. Which he then uses to sit on. Suddenly Shel Silverstein's author photo is looking a little more sinister and it looked pretty friggin' sinister already!
What are some children's books that creeped you out? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!