8 Most Offensive Breastaurants!
Hey have you heard the news? Breastaurant's are now one of the fastest growing restaurant categories in the U.S.A. What's a breastaurant, you might be asking? It's like Hooters but with a different boob euphemism as it's name. Places with names like, for real, "Mugs 'N Jugs" and "Twin Peaks." Whatever happened to having a nice sandwich without a pair of DD’s up in my grill? I talked to my friends at the Official Restaurant Naming Association of the World (which I think is real and not fake), and here are a few breastaurants (or teeteries, as they are known in the industry) that we can look forward to in the next few years.
Chimichangas was a hard name choice. They ALMOST went with “Tamales” or “Fajitas,” which just sounds kind of gross. The mustache is a nice touch though, although it might cut down on how much dudes tip…
Moo Moo's Shake Shack
Boobs make milk. And they shake. WE GET IT!
Motorboat's Bar And Grill
At this seaside dive, you can motorboat your way right up to the front door. There’s plenty of dockside parking! Diners at this breastaurant will enjoy their crab cakes served by a lady with what they are calling “floaters.”
Mountains And Molehills
Well, at least the molehill girls are getting a little recognition, but this is still ridiculous. They say they have “something for everyone” but they have NO vegan options, so I bet they are talking about boob sizes. Jerks.
Knockers Schnitzel Haus
“The finest German meats in town!” is a great slogan, I grant you that, but the Germans ALREADY have enough negative stereotypes to deal with. We don’t need to add “busty pretzel server” to the list.
Cupcakes? Really? Can’t girls have one thing we like that isn’t sexualized? No? Ok then.
Jugs Juke Joint
They serve you drinks in jugs, brought by girls with jugs. Very subtle!
I don’t mind Jwoww cashing in on her fame, but couldn’t she do something classier? (HAHA, that’s a joke. This IS classy for JWoww)”Massive meatballs” are on the menu like 6 times. WE GET IT.
So what do you think of the whole Breastaurant hubbub? And I wanna hear your funny ideas for a breastaurant in the comments!