Funny Articles

8 Places Dora Should Never Explore

By  | 

Dora is the most positive, imaginative and energetic latch-key kid on TV. I mean, who lets their 7 year old wander around town talking to strangers with a monkey? Alcoholics, that’s who. That’s a separate issue entirely, however naïve as she may be, Dora has learned a lot during her travels including a few places she should never visit.


1. Yakutsk, Russia

Dora usually embarks on a journey in order to help someone. However, this is the coldest city on Earth therefore EVERYONE needs help. The best thing they can do for themselves is leave and that just seems like such a monumental task for a 7 year old.


2. Sao Paulo, Brazil

If there is any place where Dora would need a chaperone it is in the city that leads the planet in kidnappings. If Dora got kidnapped I don’t think her Papi has enough money to pay the ransom, but then again the kidnappers would probably just send her severed ear to the Nickelodeon studios, because that’s where the money is at.


3. Death Valley

When the name of a place has the word ‘death’ in it, it’s probably not a good place to visit. Swiper the Fox has tried to lure Dora here to no avail.


4. Kolkata, India

Dora carries around a magic backpack that talks to her and helps her on her journeys. I hope she packed it with a never-ending supply of bottled water, Purell and Imodium AD, because she will need it if she ends up in a place like this.


5. Hill Valley (In Biff’s alternate universe)

I don’t know if you saw the Director’s Cut of Back to the Future II, but Dora makes a cameo as Evil Biff’s indentured servant. That Biff is such a butthead.


6. Detroit's Ghetto

Stay away from the ghetto! There is nothing to do there except heroin, and every house is abandoned so every house is a crack house. It’s tough being a child star, and if she ended up in Detroit she might end up with the wrong crowd, headed down a path of self destruction. 


7. Chinese Ghost Cities

No, ‘Chinese Ghost Cities’ is not the name of the coolest comic book ever; it is the reason why there will be a huge global crisis within the next few years. Since Dora is a world traveler, she knows a lot about global economics and she realizes that the Chinese property bubble is about to burst. Dora knows that reckless government spending by Communist countries leads to no good, she is no dummy. She has seen this time and time again!


8. Afghanistan

Dora is not comfortable with compulsory veiling. She recently went on Fox and Friends to promote her show, and when asked about Afghanistan she received flak from the media after saying “we should just nuke them all.” Gotta admit, I didn’t expect that from her.

So hopefully, Dora will keep up with the exploring even though world travel can make a person a little jaded. With her positive attitude I think Dora has what it takes to stay grounded even though there is a bunch of dirtiness in the world.

Where are some other places that Dora will never explore?

Check Out If Cartoons Were Real!