Funny Articles

9 Sexiest Pirates of the Seven Seas

By  | 

With their bad boy personalities and flowing facial hair, it’s no wonder girls are willing to walk the plank and say, ‘shiver me timbers’ for these buccaneer babes. Buckle up ladies, it's about to get steamy as we round up the sexiest pirates out there…


9. Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean

Men. Watching the video above makes you grow a uterus.

Will Turner, is one of the few pirates who isn't afraid of commitment… This pirate can kiss me in the rain any time he wants! I'd walk a million gangplanks for this pirate!


8. Douglas Fairbanks Sr. in The Black Pirate


Douglas Fairbanks was one of the first action heroes ever! And this is one of his most iconic roles. This guy might have been wearing some girly shorts but he did all his own stunts, drank like a fish and always got the lady and that's a man who can avast this matey anytime he wants.


7. Captain Hook


Captain Hook appears to be super confident at first but mention the words ‘crocodile’ or ‘Peter Pan’ and he’s a bag of nerves. We think it’s totally cute when a guy is able to show his more sensitive side.


6. Frederic From The Pirate Movie

Um ladies, if you haven't rented The Pirate Movie you are missing a true musical classic starring some of the hottest stars that 1982 had to offer… along with some of the corniest/funniest musical numbers you will see in any teen comedy anywhere. Get on it!


5. Long John Silver from Muppet’s Treasure Island


I don't care if he's the bad guy, Tim Curry is funny as hell and funny is sexy… even if it's a Muppet Movie. I'd just have Kermit and Piggie look the other way so I could check out this pirates booty.


4. Blackbeard the Pirate


Now this is a REAL pirate ladies! Sure he robbed and killed innocent men just trying to do their jobs, but with a beard like that I am willing to overlook a few minor flaws.


3. Dread Pirate Roberts from The Princess Bride


One of the best movies ever made! If you have not seen this YOU NEED TO GET IT IMMEDIATELY! LIKE NOW! The sexy Dread Pirate Roberts played by Cary Elwes is hot as sh*t and smart and funny… He's also one of your cleaner pirates, which most ladies will appreciate. Pirates are sexy and all, but a pirate who isn't afraid to take a bath is gonna get way more action than a filthy one. Trust me guys.


2. Patchy The Pirate From Sponge Bob

He lives in Encino (which isn't really near the water) and he might be president of the Sponge Bob fan club but this guy is played by Tom Kenny, a hilarious comic who also does the actual voice of Sponge Bob in the show. Tom was a cast member of Mr. Show and did the voice of the narrator in Powerpuff Girls as well as tons of other shows. This guy is hilarious and as any guy knows, making a girl laugh is about all you have to do to get a little action. I'd love to be marooned in Encino with this pirate.


1. Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean


Is it the Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner? The gold teeth? The fake dirt on his face? Those Dog The Bounty Hunter danglers in his hair? His vile charm? His swarthy, dirty, dreads? He can hold his liquor and fend off ghost pirates all at once – I'm in love.

Who do you think is the sexiest swashbuckler of all time? Let us know.

Check Out 30 Pirate Demotivators!