Funny Articles

Apple Introduces INSANE New Macbook Pro with Retina Display!

By  | 

Yesterday, during their WWDC keynote address, Apple unveiled the latest iteration of the Macbook Pro. It features a stunning 2880 x 1800 pixel retina display and uses Intel’s new quad-core Ivy Bridge processors to provide 2.7 GHz of processing power. It’s essentially the laptop God would use.

new macbook pro
You know, if He got into video editing.

This new Macbook Pro is also an impressive engineering feat—at only .71 inches thick and weighing just under 4.5 pounds, the Macbook Pro is almost as slim as the Macbook Air. And even that was so slim it was unnatural. Like, if the Macbook Air was a person, its friends would have had to have a talk about its eating habits.

macbook air
“Macbook Air, you know we’ll love you no matter what.”

Even though it’s only one new computer, it’s clear that this is the direction Apple is headed with their future laptops. Soon, all of Apple’s Macbooks will have retina displays you can stare into for days. We’ll forget pixels even exist. And that is when we will be most vulnerable to pixels.

I have no idea why pixels would ever rise against us, or if they’re even sentient.

The new Macbook Pro trades the ethernet port and optical drive for a thinner body, so it’s probably time we get comfortable with wifi and officially start saying goodbye to DVDs. Honestly though, when was the last time you used a DVD? I burned one like six months ago and it felt like I was listening to the victrola with my Grandma while she told me how important it was for this country to re-elect Eisenhower.

dwight eisenhower
Eisenhower would’ve supported the removal of Ethernet ports.

Are you going to get the new Macbook Pro with retina display? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!


Check out My Unreasonable Expectations For The iPad 3!