Are We On The Verge of a World-Wide BACON Shortage?
In what will certainly be the most heart-stopping news for the Internet since Ron Paul almost won Iowa or the release of Starcraft 2, the National Pig Association, which is a thing, today announced that "a world shortage of pork and bacon next year is now unavoidable".
Might we soon be forced to eat even the cUUUUUUUtest pigs?!
It's all interconnected! Don't you see?! Low corn yields in the United States lead to higher pig feed costs! Higher pig feed costs lead to more and more pig farmers going out of business! More pig farmers going out of business means less BACON being produced! It's all INTERCONNECTED! They told me I was crazy when I started mapping the corn yields around the United States! But who's crazy now, Detective?! WHO'S CRAZY NOW?!
No seriously, I'm asking. Who is crazy now?
That said, might the upcoming bacon shortage be good for the world? Perhaps a thinning of the herd will lead to a thinning of the world's population. Of course, I don't mean a kill-a-bunch-of-deer-so-the-other-deer-have-enough-food kind of thinning.
More of a Jared-after-eating-a-ton-of-Subway thinning.
One clear downside to the upcoming bacon shortage is that, while this chain of events is definitely happening in Europe, the National Pig Association also suggests that pig populations are falling all around the world. AND THE WORLD INCLUDES AMERICA! This could get bad, guys. Bacon is a key component in America's strategy of appearing dominant by creating just the most insane food combinations anyone could imagine. It's like saying "Go ahead and attack us, Pakistan. We put bacon and eggs on a DONUT. We clearly don't give a f*ck."
Pictured: Basically the American Empire.
How scared are you about the bacon shortage? Let me know on twitter @mikeyfromsu or in the comments below!