Funny Articles

Article Titles In Teen Girl Magazines That Blow My Mind

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Women's magazines have always been about preying on women's fears. Their body image phobias. Their fear that they won't find love. Magazines like Self, Cosmo, Seventeen, etc. rely heavily on advertising and so their articles tend to be about how to use various products to "stay fit," or "get a man," amping up women's fears so they'll purchase things, rather than engaging women in a meaningful way. But don't take my word for it. Here are some randomly picked women's magazine article titles, you be the judge:


"How To Turn Off Your Body's Hunger Signals" 


Nothing sounds like a healthier idea that making it so your body is unable to tell you when it needs fuel. While you're at it why don't you rip out the gas gage in your car? How about you get rid of your nerves so you don't feel pain? Then people can hit you with 2×4's all day and you won't have to worry about it.


"You Specifically, Yes You, The Girl Reading This Magazine. You Aren't Attractive."


I couldn't even believe how directly antagonistic the title of this article was.


"Women Who Have 5 Extra Pounds On Them Tend To Attract Great White Sharks When They Swim In The Ocean."


As if there weren't enough things for women to be afraid of. Come on, women's magazines.


"New Study Reveals Great White Sharks Will Crawl Onto Land To Get To Overweight Women To Feast On Them."


The even more problematic sequel article to the above article. Critics of women's magazines call the science behind this article specious, at best.


"Men Tend To Be Far More Aroused By Women Who Are In The Middle Of Purchasing Lubriderm Daily Moisture Lotion."


While it's true that it's easier to be aroused by a woman if she's in the middle of buying Lubriderm, that's no reason to devote an entire article to harping on it.


"28 Hottest Tricks To Sizzle In Bed."


This article wouldn't set off so many red flags if, when you read it, it didn't turn out that all 28 of the "tricks" were "Buy MAC Lip Gloss."


"The First Female President Of The United States Talks About How Cosmo Brand Fat Reducing Lasers Changed Her Life."


I can't even begin to describe the number of problems with this article.


What other women's magazine article titles prey on women's fears? Let us know in the comments!


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